Thursday, January 17, 2013
THE TRUTH ABOUT MY HEALTH
Hi Everyone, My name is Shawna, I'm 26, 5 foot 5inches tall and 317 pounds.
Yes 317, I have this love hate relationship with food, I love the bad stuff an hate the good stuff, I crave sweets, along with comfort foods. Fried chicken, mashed potatoes and the like. Plus, Im a compulsive, emotional, and binge eater.
WOW that was hard, but it felt good to get it off my chest. I've had a dysfunctional relationship with food for as long as I can remember, I blame it on the fact my life was always a roller coaster, my parents were constantly splitting up and getting back together, this meant moves, lack of money therefore lack of food, my dad was also a druggie an an alcoholic who thought nothing of taking an selling the food stamps we received to fund his habit. I also suffer from bipolar depressive disorder which I am currently on meds for to healp with it.
So when we did have food in the house it was eat it while you can an stuff yourself and that habit has carried over to me as an adult. But no more, I am only 26, yet feel as though I'm 40, I have no drive, I hate my body to the point I hide from society, I dislike going out in public and when I do I wear massively “ flowy” clothes (that's fat people speak for baggy and shapeless)
Don't get me wrong I've tried the diet thing on more occasions than I care to admit, and epically failed more times than I care to admit, but yet I never thought of doing the sensible thing, practicing moderation, learning to cook healthier, resetting my taste buds to appreciate regular, natural sugars instead of processed man made ones.
I'm tired of being the fat girl, the fat friend, the * oh she'd be hot if she'd lose weight * girl, I want to at least like if not LOVE what I see in the mirror instead of doing the cursory glance and go, I want to be able to buy jeans from WalMart instead of having to go to fashion bug or a fat chicks store dammit! I Don't want to be model thin, I still wanna keep my curves I just wanna look more like an hourglass instead of a lump of dough.