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A bit of my History and an introduction all rolled into one

Thursday, January 17, 2013


Hi Everyone, My name is Shawna, I'm 26, 5 foot 5inches tall and 317 pounds.

Yes 317, I have this love hate relationship with food, I love the bad stuff an hate the good stuff, I crave sweets, along with comfort foods. Fried chicken, mashed potatoes and the like. Plus, Im a compulsive, emotional, and binge eater.

WOW that was hard, but it felt good to get it off my chest. I've had a dysfunctional relationship with food for as long as I can remember, I blame it on the fact my life was always a roller coaster, my parents were constantly splitting up and getting back together, this meant moves, lack of money therefore lack of food, my dad was also a druggie an an alcoholic who thought nothing of taking an selling the food stamps we received to fund his habit. I also suffer from bipolar depressive disorder which I am currently on meds for to healp with it.

So when we did have food in the house it was eat it while you can an stuff yourself and that habit has carried over to me as an adult. But no more, I am only 26, yet feel as though I'm 40, I have no drive, I hate my body to the point I hide from society, I dislike going out in public and when I do I wear massively “ flowy” clothes (that's fat people speak for baggy and shapeless)

Don't get me wrong I've tried the diet thing on more occasions than I care to admit, and epically failed more times than I care to admit, but yet I never thought of doing the sensible thing, practicing moderation, learning to cook healthier, resetting my taste buds to appreciate regular, natural sugars instead of processed man made ones.

I'm tired of being the fat girl, the fat friend, the * oh she'd be hot if she'd lose weight * girl, I want to at least like if not LOVE what I see in the mirror instead of doing the cursory glance and go, I want to be able to buy jeans from WalMart instead of having to go to fashion bug or a fat chicks store dammit! I Don't want to be model thin, I still wanna keep my curves I just wanna look more like an hourglass instead of a lump of dough.
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  • CHARMED365
    I love the honesty and openess in your blog! It's amazing how tough we really can be. You sound like you have made it through many hard times in your life. Losing the weight will also have some hard times with it, but you have already proven how strong you already are! You can do this! emoticon
    1883 days ago
    Hi .Happy to meet you !, Yes we are in a rut . eat get fat . diets do not work . you can try them all you want . any of them .they out number everyone of us put together . but to say diet is to say there is an end at some point . this is a life style change . you take baby steps and within a certain period of time you lose inches and weigh. you will take time to learn how and why you eat . many reasons we eat . stress hungry inside and out . cook different and act different . move your body in play and in work . smile and laugh . you have a bad day come here and tell us about it . you have a great day come here and tell us about it . we want to know . you are important . we all have days when we could and do eat the house empty . we also have days when we find we do not need to eat anything that isnt nailed down . try to see if you can eat less today then yesterday . drink that water and tea . drop that soda . did you know that fashion bug has gone out of business ? emoticon emoticon m emoticon m emoticon emoticon m emoticon m emoticon m emoticon m
    1887 days ago
    1888 days ago
    Wonderful! You know where you've been, where you are, and where you want to get to and that's a fantastic start. Being young will help you as well. I am old, 46-but I feel much, much older. I wish I'd taking charge of my eating problems 20 years ago. You can do this! Log, blog, post and move that body!
    1888 days ago
    You've come to the right place - this is a terrific community, with lots of information, support, and encouragement.

    The rest is up to you...
    1888 days ago
    Admitting everything openly, from weight to your issues, is the first step to making it work this time. I know that from experience. I have a similar past to you, and similar struggles. I bet you are going to do great this time around.
    1889 days ago
    I know how you feel about wanting to shop at regular stores. I'm 5'9" and currently 265 lbs. That's only have losing 38 pounds already. If you need any help or encouragement I'm always here.

    As for the sugar addiction, that's how I look at it, I have it as well. I eat it in moderation when I can fit it into my calorie range.
    1889 days ago
    You sound like you know what you want and how to do it. Now it's just a bit of commitment and determination. You can do it! You have already begun! emoticon
    1889 days ago
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