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    KAILYNSTAR   70,147
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Dull


Thursday, January 17, 2013

Alright, time to blog.

I have been bad. Really. I know I'm in some kind of downward road.

I have no energy to do anything and I have no thought of getting up and just doing more than the basics here at home.

Sure, I'm helping my daughter with school, but I'm not doing the regular things that I used to do while the kids were in school. No walking, not much reading, not following the diet I put myself on for my fatty liver.

Time to be honest with myself and you guys too.

I'm tired.

I feel alone in this.

I hit a major roadblock with this stupid anemia. Stupid, stupid anemia!

When I walk up and down the stairs to do laundry, I'm panting for air. I'm listless at times. You know, that feeling, listless? Not really feeling like getting into doing things.

I used to love singing. Not happening.

I used to love reading. Not really happening either.

I used to be more energetic. Now? I have the odd moment of get up and go, but those are really, really ODD moments.

I have no drive. No umph. No wants or desires.

I'm busy, don't get me wrong. Except it's different. I'm around the house all of the time. (Cabin fever anyone?) DD3 has six hours to get things done to keep up with her schedule. When the kids come home from school, there is no way for her to continue. She is a determined little thing, but she needs me. I know that. I'm not complaining. I'm here for her, but I'm tired. I can't help feeling tired.

Maybe I'm just having a bad day so far. I had to take her to the city yesterday because her braces wire broke and had to be fixed. The roads were horrible, complete white out conditions on the drive home and my arms and neck are aching from that drive. I find I need a recovery day after driving to the city and back.

Maybe I'm just disappointed with myself. Not achieving things that I know I should and could do. Maybe it boils down to the fact that that little voice inside my head is getting to me. I'm sure once and a while some of you heard it too.

"You're not worth it."

"Why bother?"

"Who cares?"

I haven't been sparking either. Why? I'm tired. I just want to do nothing. I do get on the computer and play a game. Except, that's wearing thin on me too.

I'm so sorry if this blog is letting you down, but right now, I need encouragement. The days are getting longer finally, but the difference doesn't usually get noticed until the end of February. Otherwise, it's still the short sunlit days and the long, long winter nights of staying shut in and not doing anything.

Spring is coming. Right?

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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
LIBBYFITZ 1/20/2013 7:06AM

    So sorry to see how you are at the moment. I cannot even begin to try and be in the same place as you.
I suspect a case of no sunlight syndrome! When did you last see you dr.?
Please know that we are here!
I agree with the suggestion of incoporating excersise into the daily schooling regime. It would be good for your daughter as well. A dancing aerobics dvd maybe?
Kids Yoga?
Can't do spell check as am on my 'phone!
I havn't been Sparking much either. Have the opposite issue with the high temperatures!

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SNOOKUMS19 1/17/2013 9:36PM

    We are here my friend. The good thing about Spark is that it doesn't matter what the weather is we are here. You don't have to shovel to get to us. Drive until your muscles ache with strain. We are here for you. How about some Vitamin D supplements ? I know it helps me with the lack of sun this time of year. Breathe. Don't feel bad about sad blogs. My God... if I felt bad about every sad blog I would barely ever blog. Every blog is to get things out....good or bad. This site is our process. It's here to spill on the stuff in our head and get it out. Keep checking in! We are here for you my friend!

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EASTENDCLAM 1/17/2013 7:14PM

    "Who cares?"

We care.

Thanks for letting it out. We're here for you, always.

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PEPPYPATTI 1/17/2013 7:04PM

    These winter months can really take their toll, especially if you are not feeling well. Spring is coming soon along with more sunshine & I am sure you will find your energy then. I finally broke out of my doldrums today by taking Christmas down. Time for a fresh start!
emoticon emoticon

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GAL7288 1/17/2013 5:28PM

    I know what you mean, we desperately need spring! I think the weather and the dullness, the black clouds and foggy days get to you and zap the energy out and then adding your busy schedule I can see how tired you are. Get up for a ten minute walk, even if you don't feel it, it will do a lot of good. Lately I've been in that rotten mood too, but I see that with just ten minutes of walking, not even fast pace, but just walking, only my thoughts and feelings in mind, help me. Sure the daily activities that often keep me busy are always there but I can forget about them for at least those ten minutes. Cheer up and try to see how important you are! Not only to your family, but to yourself! You are the pillar that hold them together, and you owe it to yourself to keep happy, healthy and sane. Besides we need you to keep happy, or how else are we going to be happy! :)

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SHEILA1505 1/17/2013 2:17PM

    Hi there - can you fit 20 minutes into your morning, and your afternoon, sessions with DD3 - make it part of the school-day for both of you - go for a walk together, talk about some of the school work if you like, and do some ST in the other session?

Chin up, Sweetie xxx
hugs

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