Thursday, January 17, 2013
Alright, time to blog.
I have been bad. Really. I know I'm in some kind of downward road.
I have no energy to do anything and I have no thought of getting up and just doing more than the basics here at home.
Sure, I'm helping my daughter with school, but I'm not doing the regular things that I used to do while the kids were in school. No walking, not much reading, not following the diet I put myself on for my fatty liver.
Time to be honest with myself and you guys too.
I feel alone in this.
I hit a major roadblock with this stupid anemia. Stupid, stupid anemia!
When I walk up and down the stairs to do laundry, I'm panting for air. I'm listless at times. You know, that feeling, listless? Not really feeling like getting into doing things.
I used to love singing. Not happening.
I used to love reading. Not really happening either.
I used to be more energetic. Now? I have the odd moment of get up and go, but those are really, really ODD moments.
I have no drive. No umph. No wants or desires.
I'm busy, don't get me wrong. Except it's different. I'm around the house all of the time. (Cabin fever anyone?) DD3 has six hours to get things done to keep up with her schedule. When the kids come home from school, there is no way for her to continue. She is a determined little thing, but she needs me. I know that. I'm not complaining. I'm here for her, but I'm tired. I can't help feeling tired.
Maybe I'm just having a bad day so far. I had to take her to the city yesterday because her braces wire broke and had to be fixed. The roads were horrible, complete white out conditions on the drive home and my arms and neck are aching from that drive. I find I need a recovery day after driving to the city and back.
Maybe I'm just disappointed with myself. Not achieving things that I know I should and could do. Maybe it boils down to the fact that that little voice inside my head is getting to me. I'm sure once and a while some of you heard it too.
"You're not worth it."
I haven't been sparking either. Why? I'm tired. I just want to do nothing. I do get on the computer and play a game. Except, that's wearing thin on me too.
I'm so sorry if this blog is letting you down, but right now, I need encouragement. The days are getting longer finally, but the difference doesn't usually get noticed until the end of February. Otherwise, it's still the short sunlit days and the long, long winter nights of staying shut in and not doing anything.
Spring is coming. Right?