Too much at once, it seems.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
There's been so much ridiculousness in the world lately. Have you seen the news? So much negativity. And it's played in my house. And it makes my father rage. And I have a short fuse after too much of him yelling at the TV.
There's been tough changes at work, too. Not a lot of us are very pleased with the changes.
I had a meltdown last night.
I cried the hardest I've cried in quite awhile. I felt lightheaded, sick, and cold...I couldn't catch my breath. I felt so lost, I didn't know what to do. I wanted to hide, to go away, but knew that there was no point...nothing would be changed when I'd eventually come back.
I had an amazing support system, though. I did. I have amazing loves in my life, and I'm so thankful they were there. A couple of them didn't even know that they were lifting my spirits when they wrote to me, they didn't know what was going on. My boyfriend tried to reason with me logically (kudos to him, although I question him trying to do so with a sobbing, hormonal mess of a woman at the time!)...and he reminded me of what I had learned at the de-stressing training I'd attended. You need to focus on you. I still feel like I need to save the world, and when I can't, I feel totally lost, powerless, weak.
He reminded me to smile, even n the face of all of this.
So, this morning, I was gentle with myself.
I made my customary green tea, and I made some old-fashioned oats with unsweetened applesauce, banana, and strawberries. I did 30 (30!!!!) minutes of stretching out with some yoga music, and my peppermint candle on the warmer. I made an egg white omelette with swiss cheese, quinoa, and broccoli, and am thoroughly enjoying it.
I'm taking care of me, even though the world outside of mine is still a question mark...work is a question mark (what will it be like today? will I make it?), politics are a VERY big question mark...how my parents will be feeling when I see them tonight will be a question mark...
But I need to remember that it is absolutely more than okay to take care of your own little corner of the world, of yourself, so that that, too, does not fall into disrepair.
I decided to type this up and share this because we ALL need to remember to TAKE CARE and BE GENTLE with ourselves! It can be so, so, so very, very hard to remember, and, if you're like me, sometimes you feel guilty and selfish for even thinking about it...please, make yourself that cup of tea. Warm up your favorite candle. Cuddle with your pets. Hug a friend. Paint. Read that book you've been meaning to get to.
Just...take care, everyone. Take care, and love...moreover, remember to love yourself...so that the love may spread to others, too. Do your best. No one can ask for more than that. And don't beat yourself up if you fall short. There's no shame in an honest attempt.
My dad did apologize before he and my mom left for appointments today. I didn't want to tell him that I melted down last night, but he mentioned that I looked like I was "feeling blah".
It's so hard when tensions are so high everywhere...I'll probably have to come back and re-read this more than once for myself.
Take care, everyone. Enjoy your afternoon, your day...even if you have to reaaaally stretch for that one positive thing...it's still a positive thing you can build on.