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In Your Eyes...

Thursday, January 17, 2013

The light the heat… I am complete…

If I really thought about it, that would have to be one of my all time favorite songs. It just opens up something in me. It means a lot to me and is associated with very good memories.

When I was in high school, I was a theater kid. I was in a Christian theater group called ToDAY productions and at the very first retreat that I went to, before I was actually apart of the group, there was a reflection time. We laid in a circle on the gym floor, each of us had a tea light and we were lead through a meditation first focusing on the flame of the candle and then the song came on. I’m not sure why I remember that a good 16 years later, but I think it will be a memory that always sticks with me.

I’ve always been drawn to music, it calms me. I don’t know why, but it does. Now I’m not particularly great at anything musical. I can’t play an instrument, I can barely read music, but I am a fairly decent singer. I’ve always been in awe of those who could play.

So last night was not a good night for Rachael & me, so today I am paying for it. When I cry really hard, my face hurts the next day. We fought, and while it’s all worked out now, I hate it when we fight. It seems that the next few days after a fight, we seem to just be off. I don’t know if I could just pinpoint what exactly is off, but it’s just not right for a few days. The energy is skewed or something.

I hate fighting. I hate confrontation. I don’t know. I just, I seem to do better being a little more passive. I do know how to fight. I do know how to stick up for myself, but I don’t like to.

My thoughts are scattered today, I think it has to do with the skewed energy. I’m looking at joining a gym. We finally got a planet fitness that’s near my work and I think I would actually use it. I don’t know very much about gyms and wanted to get everyone’s opinion. So what do you think about joining a gym? What gym do you go to?
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  • ANEWME1313
    I'm so sorry you had a tough night. This past week my guy and I had a blow out argument and I know exactly what you mean about being off for a few days after. In our case, the outcome is our relationship is really improved, so I hope the same for you. Sometimes we don't "hear" what the other person is saying until it gets to that level of "boom!" and then we think "oh! I didn't realize it was that important to you!" lol :) I have a bad habit of saying things very gently because I don't like confrontation, until that last straw when I go off lol.. We only have this happen maybe twice a year, but have a plan that always helps us. Once we've "made up" we plan an outing to re-bond. Just something fun that takes our mind off the fuss and gives us something neutral to talk and giggle about. He always teases me afterward by saying "Look, you're not even mad at me anymore!" lol

    About the gym, my suggestion is to really think on your needs / wants and how it will really fit into your life. For some people, gym membership is just another "failure".. they mean to go, plan to go, don't and it leads them to feel bad about themselves. For others, the equipment and environment is just what they need to be motivated. I would suggest asking for a trial membership and giving it a try to see how it works for you.

    I think the most important thing is to just keep at it. Whether at home, outside, or at the gym, just keep on track with an active lifestyle working in exercise. It's about the choices all day, all week, etc. When one thing isn't working or gets boring, try another, but just keep trying.

    Good luck to you! You can do this!
    1825 days ago
    Believe it or not, conflict is inevitable and HEALTHY. Without conflict we wouldn't come across new ideas, have reason to ever change our minds, or have a chance to realize what is worth fighting FOR. The trick to having a positive experience with conflict is understanding how to use it for positive change. Some may question how a fight can be positive... when it is a conversation not a brawl. For instance, someone says it is better to brush your hair in one way while someone says to do it a different way. Having a discussion about why each person believes what they do while the other keeps an open mind allows each to make an informed decision at the end. Even if opinions never change, at least you know WHY you believe what you do. This is a simplified example, but it makes the point.

    The reason I bring this up is because there is always conflict in our lives. We have to learn to be comfortable with positive conflict without turning it into a negative brawl against someone. When having conflict with a loved one, try to keep it positive by giving examples for your side of the argument while really listening to their side. At the end, if your mind changed, admit it. If not, say you respect their opinion. This may help end the conflict without having that icky negative feeling draining you afterwards.

    You might consider taking a little time to ask yourself why: "I do know how to stick up for myself, but I don’t like to." Do you feel you shouldn't stick up for yourself or because you don't want to add to the conflict? No need to bring this up to anyone but yourself, just something to help you understand yourself more. (FYI, I don't like to stick up for myself because I have PTSD and feel I'd rather allow myself to be deeply hurt because if they say it perhaps I deserve it. I'm working on changing this.)

    As for the gym, you're the only person who can decide if a gym is right for you or not. I suggest going in, asking questions, taking a tour, and deciding if you believe it will help or not. Be sure to ask what EXACTLY the membership offers for you (are classes extra? are there additional perks outside of the gym? can you bring guests? Are towels provided for pool/showers or do you bring your own? How often are locker rooms cleaned? etc) and what it takes to cancel the membership if you were to find it doesn't fit you after a month, 6 months, 5 years, etc). Getting information allows you to make a better decision.
    1828 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/17/2013 7:26:21 PM
    Currently at home I do Yoga. I also have a few free weights. That's all I have. I wish I had a treadmill or elliptical. I would love to try new workouts.
    1828 days ago
    I think of gyms as a tool. Is it the right tool for you right now? Does it offer you concrete things that you're actively missing - and seeking- already in your life (equipment, classes, fitness socialization)? If so, then yes, stop by and see if this gym feels like it would be a good fit for you. If it doesn't offer you those things, you might not need to join now.

    For a personal example.... I work out at a few different dance studios, I have some weights and bands and things like that in my apartment, and there is a small-but-nice gym in my building. Most of my workouts take place at the studios because I need a dance partner or some zumba students to flail around behind me, or I'm doing TRX in a group. I do yoga at home (after a long drawn-out breakup with the yoga studio that I love in order to save a little $ on fitness), which only requires my mat. Once or twice a week I go to the gym downstairs to use the elliptical for HIIT, the medicine balls (too cheap to buy a whole set for myself) and the free weights (likewise).
    1828 days ago
    Sorry you had a rough night...hugs!

    I joined a gym in November and wasn't sure if I'd actually stick to using it. I made commitment to myself to just go 3 days that first week and not overdo it - I only did 15 minutes on the treadmill and kind of tested out a few weight machines.

    Be sure and find out if the gym has a contract or not plus look at all the fees and included extras. I go to a basic gym and save quite a bit - there was no starting membership fee, no contracts, and we bought during a grand opening special, so it's $10 a month per person. Of course, this gym doesn't have showers, a spa, a juice bar, etc, like some of the bigger gyms. Think about what you want in a gym and even think about when you would go - before work, after work, etc.
    1828 days ago
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