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Push That Tush -- Measuring Up

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Measuring Up

These days I am pretty much my own person.
I’ve given up trying to measure up to someone else’s standards because
Quite frankly … the only standards I really care about …are my own.
I know who I am, I know I have a good set of values,
and I am comfortable with them.
It took a lot of hard work to get there,
but like they say....with age comes wisdom.
{…they forgot to mention the struggles, heartache, and the disappointment…}

In my former life
{…before I got wise to how life really works…}
I was constantly trying to prove myself, trying to get approval from OTHERS,
Show them I was worthy, and measure up to THEIR standards.
It was like this at home, at work, with my friends…everywhere.
I was a well trained dog.
Acceptance, and approval came sporadically and
rewards were few and far between.
So I worked harder, and harder, and harder.
{…Pavlov would have been proud…}
Meanwhile, a lot of these people sat back and
watched me spin my wheels in my little hamster cage world.
Most of them expected me to do things that THEY would never do.
These people had a special set of standards for themselves and
a different set of standards for OTHERS.
And the more I did…the more it was expected.
{…sound familiar?…}
I had so many of these people in my life...
I started feeling like this with almost everyone.

It created feelings of anger, frustration, disappointment, and guilt.
Why guilt?....Because I didn’t measure up.
{…but with people like this, you never measure up…
You’re not supposed to….that’s the game…}
I aimed to please everyone else...and ended up disappointing myself.
And when I TRIED to please myself,
someone would accuse me of being selfish or I would feel guilty.
{...How warped is that?..}

So how did all these feelings get vented?
I wasn’t supposed to get ‘emotional’.
{…oooh, throw a little lighter fluid on the flame…}.
So I turned to my drug of choice….food.

But back to my original topic.

Whose life is this anyway?
Whose needs should I be satisfying?
Whose dreams should I be working on?
Who is going to bear the consequence of all my choices without exception?


And in case you're on your way to FANTASY ISLAND
and think that the greatest joy is making everyone else happy
before yourself
consider what they tell you on the plane.
Put the oxygen mask on yourself first...
then try to help others.

So since I know I have a decent realistic set of values
And I am comfortable with them
I am going to work hard in living up to MY standards
With one little rule

Always try to Push myself just a little bit farther my little therapy session is over.
thanks for listening. emoticon emoticon
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