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    SHERYLDS   41,822
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Push That Tush -- Measuring Up

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Measuring Up

These days I am pretty much my own person.
I’ve given up trying to measure up to someone else’s standards because
Quite frankly … the only standards I really care about …are my own.
I know who I am, I know I have a good set of values,
and I am comfortable with them.
It took a lot of hard work to get there,
but like they say....with age comes wisdom.
{…they forgot to mention the struggles, heartache, and the disappointment…}

In my former life
{…before I got wise to how life really works…}
I was constantly trying to prove myself, trying to get approval from OTHERS,
Show them I was worthy, and measure up to THEIR standards.
It was like this at home, at work, with my friends…everywhere.
I was a well trained dog.
Acceptance, and approval came sporadically and
rewards were few and far between.
So I worked harder, and harder, and harder.
{…Pavlov would have been proud…}
Meanwhile, a lot of these people sat back and
watched me spin my wheels in my little hamster cage world.
Most of them expected me to do things that THEY would never do.
These people had a special set of standards for themselves and
a different set of standards for OTHERS.
And the more I did…the more it was expected.
{…sound familiar?…}
I had so many of these people in my life...
I started feeling like this with almost everyone.

It created feelings of anger, frustration, disappointment, and guilt.
Why guilt?....Because I didn’t measure up.
{…but with people like this, you never measure up…
You’re not supposed to….that’s the game…}
I aimed to please everyone else...and ended up disappointing myself.
And when I TRIED to please myself,
someone would accuse me of being selfish or I would feel guilty.
{...How warped is that?..}

So how did all these feelings get vented?
I wasn’t supposed to get ‘emotional’.
{…oooh, throw a little lighter fluid on the flame…}.
So I turned to my drug of choice….food.

But back to my original topic.

Whose life is this anyway?
Whose needs should I be satisfying?
Whose dreams should I be working on?
Who is going to bear the consequence of all my choices without exception?

Me

And in case you're on your way to FANTASY ISLAND
and think that the greatest joy is making everyone else happy
before yourself
consider what they tell you on the plane.
Put the oxygen mask on yourself first...
then try to help others.

So since I know I have a decent realistic set of values
And I am comfortable with them
I am going to work hard in living up to MY standards
With one little rule

Always try to Push myself just a little bit farther

Okay...so my little therapy session is over.
thanks for listening. emoticon emoticon
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHRISTINASP 1/19/2013 12:04PM

    Yes, I think we can't listen to our own heart's desires AND satisfy the demands of others at the same time, all the time. So then if we chose to satisfy the needs of others we can't stay out of the cookie jar! Also, saying 'no' to the pantry means we must say 'no' to expecations of others, too. I think these are the lessons menopause is teaching me. I can't please them all and LIFE IS TOO SHORT to not look at my own desires and do something about them!

Comment edited on: 1/19/2013 12:04:58 PM

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1FARMER 1/18/2013 6:50AM

    Great blog! I am sending this blog to"select"members of my family. I get the
"you are selfish" line quite often if I put my needs first. Of course they don't want me to change because this will make their life change.
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ARTJAC 1/18/2013 12:14AM

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EDWARDS1411 1/17/2013 9:42PM

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CHOCOHIPPO 1/17/2013 9:37PM

    You are so wise! You're on to something here. Stay true to yourself!

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CHACHAOREO 1/17/2013 8:12PM

    emoticon

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TEXASFILLY 1/17/2013 7:58PM

    Bravo! I wish I could give you a standing ovation! My goodness~ you could've written that for me, Sher! I know, honey~ I know! Been there 'n done that and thank God we are FREE to be ourselves. I've come to love the saying, "Be yourself. Nobody does you better." *hugs* BB~ emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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1MYSTERY_LADY 1/17/2013 7:38PM

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ANNESYLVIA 1/17/2013 6:44PM

    I believe almost everyone starts off wanting some even needing acceptance and approval. But as time (years go by) passes, about half of us realize it is just not worth the work it takes to please everyone.

Good for you for feeling good about yourself.

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TREYONE 1/17/2013 6:28PM

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SNOWYOGA 1/17/2013 5:45PM

    Thank you emoticon

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SLIMTHICK2 1/17/2013 5:14PM

    Good blog. I too had the unfortunate experience of living up to the expectation of a family member. I learned that she also had a different set of standards for herself so I cut myself loose and have been better off for it. All the best to you. emoticon

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NOTSOFLUFFYDAD 1/17/2013 4:15PM

    Great blog!

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MOWINELADY 1/17/2013 3:51PM

    Thanks for your words. I could put myself in place of you and it would be my life.
I know what you mean about trying to please everyone and never seeming to measure up. I agree that we have to take responsibility for ourselves and the only one we have to answer to is ourselves.

We have to meet our needs and then we can please others. As the old saying goes -- If MOMMA ain't happy no one is. This is so true.

Thanks again for your great words.

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GOSPARK45 1/17/2013 2:28PM

    Great thoughts! We may get a lot of bad things with age, but most of that
doesn't compare to the feeling of exceptance of self that comes with it. It's wonderful. Why couldn't we have learned this when we were young?
But nearly everyone I talk to feels good about themselves and how they fit into their life. Now we can spend some time working on ourselves. Spark on!

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MEADSBAY 1/17/2013 2:14PM

    emoticon again for sharing your wisdom and giving many of us something to think about today. emoticon

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WORLDSERIES11 1/17/2013 2:13PM

    Well said!!! emoticon emoticon

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KONRAD695 1/17/2013 1:59PM

    We should say "Thank You" for your little therapy session. It is exactly what most of us need to hear. emoticon

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PATTISTAMPS 1/17/2013 1:52PM

    Have you been living my life???? LOL... I don't do it anymore, but you know that in my prior life with the big phone company, i sure did... Oh yeah... Life is too short to please everyone.. Wish that I could teach that to some young folks..

You just make me think!!! Thanks

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MIRFA71 1/17/2013 12:55PM

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LINDAK25 1/17/2013 12:13PM

    Ah, the doctor is in! This is something we have to learn over and over!

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DALID414 1/17/2013 11:39AM

    It was so odd, as I was reading I felt like I had wrote this and was reading it back to myself!

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NEW-CAZ 1/17/2013 11:04AM

    you're comfortable with yourself now, that's a great place to be emoticon

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APPLEPIEAPPLE 1/17/2013 10:48AM

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WALLAHALLA 1/17/2013 9:59AM

    Great job of verbalizing and getting it out. You are so right, that is therapeutic. Hope you have the great and wonderful day you deserve!
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BRENDAM714 1/17/2013 9:58AM

    emoticon blog. With maturity came the understanding that I do not have to and cannot please everyone. Your first earthly love should be of yourself. If you cannot love and accept yourself then you truly cannot love and accept others.

Thanks for sharing

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KARRENLYNN 1/17/2013 9:37AM

    I struggle with that everyday. I know you're right, but as you also know until we break the need to get approval from others, it's going to be a tough road to travel.

I'm working on it,

Karen

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KANOE10 1/17/2013 9:23AM

    I spent my life being a people pleaser also and turning to food. I was not supposed to show emotion also. I had to learn to let go of the perfectionist side and fear of failure. I am happier and more confident now and not so afraid of displeasing others..

Great blog. You know yourself and are ready to follow your own steps. emoticon

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FISHINGLADY66 1/17/2013 9:20AM

    I think you just described a lot of us. Me included. Thank you for the therapy lesson today. I will remember this for a long time. Your the emoticon

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MORTICIAADDAMS 1/17/2013 9:13AM

    I can TOTALLY relate to this too. It's a pattern I lived in even as a child and continued into adulthood until I decided I was done being a people pleasing door mat. Now I am fair but firm. The Golden Rule is enforced. LOL,

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LINDAKAY228 1/17/2013 9:05AM

    I can so relate to this!

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KELLIEBEAN 1/17/2013 9:02AM

    LOVED this! My whole life, I've been a people pleaser. I still am, not as bad but there is some work still to do. Many times, I end up disappointed in myself!

Excellent blog!

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STRINGI719 1/17/2013 9:00AM

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DRB13_1 1/17/2013 8:47AM

    I like that you mix up the types of blogs you do, and are willing to share your thoughts with us.

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ANNIE924 1/17/2013 8:39AM

    Thanks for the wise words. Isn't it too bad that we don't learn these lessons earlier in life. Well I suppose some do, but it was a struggle for me, and sometimes I still fall into the trap of being a people pleaser.

This blog is a reminder and a wake up call for me - it is so easy to fall back into the routine of measuring myself through others eyes. I will strive not to do that anymore.
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1CRAZYDOG 1/17/2013 8:21AM

    Oh my gosh . . . you were inside my head! LOL That is one of the most valuable lessons I have had to learn along the way, too, to be my OWN person. Nobody else has your unique talents, quirks, capabilities . . . so let it shine. Make YOU happy! Go for it! HUGS and thank you for a wonderfully well written blog.

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TERRI289 1/17/2013 8:01AM

    I would love to write as well as you!!

Great blog, I have seen in the last few years of my high school teaching life how the more you did, the more they expected you to do and with little to no thanks or appreciation. That is why I am happy to work part time, be the best I can be, and then leave it all behind as I gotabout my life.

I am lucky to have friends that I want in my life that think I am ok the way I am!! Makes every day a gift to be opened!!

xoxoxo Shake it mama, we need to move and groove and do OUR thing!!
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(hate spelling errors!!)

Comment edited on: 1/17/2013 8:02:19 AM

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LEANMEAN2 1/17/2013 7:49AM

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MICKEYH 1/17/2013 7:41AM

    Thanks for sharing. Good to have your own set of measuring cup, instead always borrowing someone else's. ^_−☆

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MALEXANDER4 1/17/2013 7:33AM

    I enjoy your kind of therapy. Thank you for the wonderful blogs.

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COCK-ROBIN 1/17/2013 7:29AM

    Very good. You're on your way.

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COCK-ROBIN 1/17/2013 7:29AM

    Very good. You're on your way.

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COCK-ROBIN 1/17/2013 7:29AM

    Very good. You're on your way.

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MARYBETH4884 1/17/2013 7:26AM

    This is a therapy session that so many people need to hear over and over! Thanks for the reminder!

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KMICHA 1/17/2013 7:26AM

    Being accepted by God and living up to His standards is what I strive for.

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KASEYCOFF 1/17/2013 7:21AM

    You bet! Emotional boundaries can be a very healthy thing - recognizing when you need to step back... declining to participate in a project... telling someone "No," when you cannot do something for them. If that buzzword "selfish" starts being bandied about, I sometimes respond "Yes, perhaps you're right."

And so what? If I don't take care of myself, I won't be in any shape to take care of or help anyone else. If that means putting mySELF first, and that's seen in some quarters as SELFish, then so be it, thinks me.

Good blog, Sheryl!
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TRISTAROSE 1/17/2013 7:18AM

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