Thursday, January 17, 2013
But feeling kinda bleak. I was all right, bordering on ecstatic yesterday when I realized I am doing *okay*, in all areas of my life at the moment (knock on wood! LOL). What was most significant was my finances picking up, and I didn't even do anything super-large about that, just a few small changes here and there, cutting back on stuff that didn't really hurt me. So, what did I do with the extra, I invested in an electronic kitchen scale! I have a scale, one that is about five years younger than me (my mom was a visionary, I suppose), but it's not as sensitive as I'd like in the 1-5 oz range, which is basically, what I need. I also got an apparatus to reseal plastic bags so they'll be air-tight, which if as functional as they say on the site, will be great for when I freeze my batch-cooked stuff and also, taking lunch to work. Which I have done, consistently, for 1 and a half weeks now.
So why bleak now, you ask? The scale, what else! I know it's silly. I wasn't even intending to lose weight this month. Which I haven't. I also haven't gained. I weigh just slightly under 150 pounds (149.9, just sounds better, doesn't it? :P) which is exactly what I weighed last week. Which is great. Which was my goal. I did this eating 5-6 meals a day, eating everything my little heart desired (in moderation!), without feeling deprived at all. I keep telling myself that this month isn't about losing weight, it's about setting up healthy eating habits, and maybe improve my relationship with food, but my heart won't listen. It's disappointed that after so much work, that damn number hasn't deigned to move even one pound in the right direction. It doesn't consider that I can do 45 minutes on the elliptical without feeling like killing myself, or that I do the bodyweight full-body workout thing I found on the internet without every muscle screaming agony. It doesn't consider that I haven't eaten a single bite in front of the TV all this time.
Oh wait, I think it does, a little. Funny thing is, the more I eat clean and work out, the more I feel actually losing weight again may be possible. I just need to fight the urge to start starving myself again just to fix that number that has me freaking out (150 is the highest I've been in 6 months, maybe more). It's just a number! The truth is, I feel great, don't I? So what I'm going to do now is get over the scale and do something constructive.