Today started out like many other days.....that 7:30AM wake-up to ..."Ann, here are your morning meds and I brought you toast with grape jelly". Without even rolling over in bed, I smile because Karen has brought me my "usual" for my Continental breakfast.

Today was also my bath day - a weekly event and it feels SO GOOD!! Thoughts of staying in that hot shower did cross my mind - but I had to get back to my room to dress and get ready for my Occupational therapy at 9:30AM.

Tracy took pictures of my legs, to send to the Certified Lymphedemist that trained her to handle my daily Compression Decogestive Treatments. Since they started this treatment, I have lost TONS of fluid and hoping to get a copy of the before and after shots.

If I can't get pictures - know this.....ANNIE HAS ANKLES....something I haven't seen in about 10 years!!! With most of the engorgement gone, I will be able to be a more compliant person - handling my own Lymph treatments, skin care and wrapping.

Had a 2PM appointment with OT and was looking forward to standing upright in the EZ STAND. But when I rolled into the OT room, I saw that old walker and knew today's plans would be altered. Without saying anything I rolled in front of it, moved my foot pedals aside and locked my breaks. They put the safety belt around and I tried many times to stand and grab onto the walker. They all still think there is some psychological problem that is keeping me from standing - I just wish I could share the pain I feel when I try to stand.

In my heart - I CAN DO ANYTHING. But reality is so far from the truth...it felt like I was standing tall, yet when Tanya showed me the picture of my attempt... discouragement slowly seeped into my thoughts.

Physical therapy always said to stand up in whatever way was comfortable for me.

Occupational therapy said that "my way" wasn't working - so let's try these other techniques (which I didn't think were working for me either). Logically - OT's way makes sense, but I don't have the strength in my knees and thighs to make their way work.

How can I not feel discouraged?

We ended our therapy with the EZ STAND. I got all strapped in, tried to think positive thoughts and tried to distract myself with the changing of shifts and other activities in the hall. I know that I didn't stand for 6 minutes...like I had on Monday. She set me back down in my chair and said she didn't know what else to try - but please don't lose HOPE. With that the tears silently slid down my face, she quietly unhooked the safety straps and we headed back to my room.

I have made NO physical gains in the last two weeks and already feel I know that her call to the health insurance will be futile. My last day with Occupational Therapy will most likely be on Friday, January 18th and my discharge will be on Saturday.

Where will I live?

My list contained five names - the first three places were full, but I could be placed on a list if I chose. The fourth one has (2) 1 bedroom apartments and several studio openings and I requested more information.

Thursday morning, their director and a Head nurse are coming here (to Cerenity) to give me an assessment. My evening nurse told me that they requested medical information, so they would have an idea of what I was dealing with before meeting me.

The smile has returned to my face - I have hope that I've found the next stage in life. Assisted Care Living...here I come. They have 1 BR apartments and everything is included except phone, cable and internet access. The insurance money I received, after my folks died, will help to pay for my stay, for at least 20 months (IF I need it).

By living "in the country" near my clinic, I'll be paying less than half what the rent costs are in the Metro Twin Cities area....YEAH!

Two weeks ago, after being released from Physical therapy, I created a chart to continue my exercises on my own time. I have continued to exercise on my own time - with just a few "tools of the trade" (dumbbells, wrist weights, and a mat) and I've continued to lose weight.

HOPE will still be part of my life - mainly because I'm too darn stubborn and bull-headed to give up. That SEVENTY-ONE POUND weight loss speaks volumes to me!!

This evening, when I was rolling through the hallways, several people stopped to ask if the care center had "put me on the payroll yet?" LOL

Yup...I have changed the lives of many here at Cerenity Care and they, in turn, have given me the HOPE I need to continue to try.......