Wednesday, January 16, 2013
I am doing well today even after the kids had a fitful night. Having a 2 hour late start allowed me to get a workout in this morning. It was nice. I canít bring myself to getting up at 5 am to work out, but I can do 7 am. It was nice not to be rushed in the morning. Of course the kids wake up at their normal time. They donít believe in sleeping in. But that gave me time to wake, watch the news, run laundry, workout, make lunch, shower, dress, get them ready, and leave early. It was awesome! My calories look good so I think it should be a ďon trackĒ kinda day. It is really nice out too so I plan on getting the kids and dog out for a walk or jog this afternoon. We will see. My youngest has been fighting a nasty green runny nose so we donít want him out in the cold too long.
On a side note, mentally, I am having a tough day. I have been on the verge of tears all day long. I canít wait for school to end so that I can go out to my car and finally let it out! I donít know what happenedÖI was fine and happy at home, but the second I got to school, something changed and I am feeling very down. It is weird how I can feel so alone when I am surrounded by people. Today was tough for me. I donít have a ton of friends and I am fine with that. I prefer time with my family or alone (which is rarely possible!). I do wish though that I had someone that was going through the same stage in life as me. Someone that is dealing with the ďtired working mommy phaseĒ too. Someone that could understand the tiredness, frustration, and challenges that I am feeling right now. I donít have anyone that can relate at all. I used to have some teachers near me that have grown kids and so they remember a little bit of what it is like. Since moving to a new school building though, I donít have anyone near my room that can relate because we were departmentalized and our room assignments changed. I just wish I had someone to talk to. My husband doesnít get it because he doesnít tend to the kids the way that I do. I know that I will miss these times and that they are precious but that doesnít mean that they arenít difficult. I know I can do it and that it is worth the work. I just really wish I had someone to relate to. Iíve had some people say that being tired with young kids is normal and that what I am experiencing is normal, but not having seen anyone else struggle through it makes me feel like I am less of a mother. Like itís really not normal and that I am not doing a very good job. I donít know why I always question myself and never feel like I am good enough. I know in my heart that I give it my all.
That is what I am going to keep doing. I will keep giving it my all. At some point things have to get easier or I will have to get better at them! Iíll take either!
On another side note(!), I started a sparkpeople challenge yesterday. Maybe that is what I need to get my rear in gear. Iíve done two videos but I am having trouble putting the videos into my fitness tracker. When I click ďcalculate calories burnedĒ it just pulls up another internet box with only the words ďhereĒ in it. No link or anythingÖAny suggestions from anyone who might read this would be greatly appreciated! I was able to manually search and find the cardio video, but canít find the toning ST one. I figure at the very least I can track the videos in my paper/pen planner.
Wow, this entry was really long. Sorry!