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Long winded whining

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

I am doing well today even after the kids had a fitful night. Having a 2 hour late start allowed me to get a workout in this morning. It was nice. I can’t bring myself to getting up at 5 am to work out, but I can do 7 am. It was nice not to be rushed in the morning. Of course the kids wake up at their normal time. They don’t believe in sleeping in. But that gave me time to wake, watch the news, run laundry, workout, make lunch, shower, dress, get them ready, and leave early. It was awesome! My calories look good so I think it should be a “on track” kinda day. It is really nice out too so I plan on getting the kids and dog out for a walk or jog this afternoon. We will see. My youngest has been fighting a nasty green runny nose so we don’t want him out in the cold too long.

On a side note, mentally, I am having a tough day. I have been on the verge of tears all day long. I can’t wait for school to end so that I can go out to my car and finally let it out! I don’t know what happened…I was fine and happy at home, but the second I got to school, something changed and I am feeling very down. It is weird how I can feel so alone when I am surrounded by people. Today was tough for me. I don’t have a ton of friends and I am fine with that. I prefer time with my family or alone (which is rarely possible!). I do wish though that I had someone that was going through the same stage in life as me. Someone that is dealing with the “tired working mommy phase” too. Someone that could understand the tiredness, frustration, and challenges that I am feeling right now. I don’t have anyone that can relate at all. I used to have some teachers near me that have grown kids and so they remember a little bit of what it is like. Since moving to a new school building though, I don’t have anyone near my room that can relate because we were departmentalized and our room assignments changed. I just wish I had someone to talk to. My husband doesn’t get it because he doesn’t tend to the kids the way that I do. I know that I will miss these times and that they are precious but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t difficult. I know I can do it and that it is worth the work. I just really wish I had someone to relate to. I’ve had some people say that being tired with young kids is normal and that what I am experiencing is normal, but not having seen anyone else struggle through it makes me feel like I am less of a mother. Like it’s really not normal and that I am not doing a very good job. I don’t know why I always question myself and never feel like I am good enough. I know in my heart that I give it my all.

That is what I am going to keep doing. I will keep giving it my all. At some point things have to get easier or I will have to get better at them! I’ll take either!

On another side note(!), I started a sparkpeople challenge yesterday. Maybe that is what I need to get my rear in gear. I’ve done two videos but I am having trouble putting the videos into my fitness tracker. When I click “calculate calories burned” it just pulls up another internet box with only the words “here” in it. No link or anything…Any suggestions from anyone who might read this would be greatly appreciated! I was able to manually search and find the cardio video, but can’t find the toning ST one. I figure at the very least I can track the videos in my paper/pen planner.

Wow, this entry was really long. Sorry!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Ok, I know I am not a mom personally, but I am a teacher and the friends I have are teachers who are all moms of young children. It looks incredibly challenging and very exhausting. You women give so much to your children, husbands, students, and so many other things you sometimes don't even realize you are contributing energy to that you are understandably drained physically, emotionally, and mentally. And in all the mommy friends I have, not one doesn't struggle with weight, energy, and depression at times. I have one friend who has cried dozens of times. She is actually at a point where she has determined that teaching is not worth the emotional energy. She also has a husband who is not the most supportive on many fronts (not sure what your situation is). Another of my teacher buddies also struggles with finding (or being willing to give up) the time to do exercise, but she has started a simple smiley face system for herself--if she eats nothing from a box or fast food locale for the day, she puts a smiley face on the calendar.

    Small steps. Can you work out a schedule with your husband so that two or three times a week, he will man the house while you take some "me time"? Can the kids go to bed earlier so that you can do work out then? Perhaps just walking during a prep period or immediately after school in the hallways? Maybe at the next staff meeting, you can present the challenge to your co-workers? I know at my work, weight and health are an issue for a great number of us. And maybe you could find your friend.

    Know that you are doing what you can and that you are worth that time. Thirty minutes of activity a day will mean more years and better quality time with your kids because you will be stronger and healthier and a great role model for them.

    And that is my long winded emoticon
    1886 days ago
    did you look to see if the activity was entered and the calories counted? because i get a blank box too, but then when i open my fitness tracker, it's there.

    yes it's hard ... and hard not to have anyone to talk to ... isn't there a working mother's group here, maybe? but you are giving it your best.
    1886 days ago
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