Not too long before my husband passed away, I talked to him about the possibility of a mission trip that summer. The concern is always having enough in the account for the summer bills, whether I go or not - mine is a ten month job. Usually the tax return gets us through and then some. I already had enough donations held by the church to pay for the airfare. Of course there were the concerns for my husband's health and medical expenses, but we'd seen God come through time and time again. And I was sensing the urging of the Holy Spirit that it was time to go. Still, I didn't want to just cut and run. If my husband preferred me to stay home because of how he was feeling, I was willing. And I was submitted.
Well, the same man who a few years ago had told me he was proud of what I did when our senior pastor accompanied me, glad that the pastor could see me in action, so to speak, this time said to me, "I think you're obsessed." It took me aback. I told him I did not agree, BUT, I was willing to go to our pastors to get an objective look at this. I told him I was submitted to his authority and would stay, but I was pretty sure that I had a CALLING, and if I did not go again while he lived, I would answer the call after he passed away.
We never ended up going to the pastors - the Lord called him home. I DID bring the matter before them - and they were in agreement with me, as long as I met other financial obligations such as the credit debt that had risen largely due to his health issues This I was able to do from the insurance I went that year..and unexpectedly reconnected with Levi.
I still long to return. I love to share about Christ, whether it's from a church pulpit, or in a home. But I know I have something else to do this year, which is get this hip taken care of. And I know that wherever I am, whatever I do - whether working at the school, "driving Miss Daisy," or recovering from hip surgery - I'll be following hard after the Lord.
HE is my obsession, "the domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc."(from dictionary.com). And He is magnificent! www.youtube.com/watch?v=