I have NEVER been skinny. I have a "big bone" build and I am 5'7. However, I am at the highest weight I've ever been at up to this point and I have never felt more disgusted.
My parents never kept much junk food in the house and chips were only served at parties or for a quick dinner with a burger. My mom didn't bake so we never really had sweets either. And as far as genetics, my dad was always skinny, as was my mother (until she got in her 40's--she started getting chunky then!) So WTH??!! How come I never got to be thin like them?!! I did have my thyroid tested and the results were normal. So now I realize my weight came from my poor eating/exercise choices over the years--ya know...the usual reason!!
I can remember dieting when I was in my teens--using Slim Fast. But that failed after a few days-- I just couldn't do the whole not eating, only drinking crappy tasting fake shakes! When I got pregnant with my daughter, 17 years ago, I actually LOST weight since I was pretty much nauseated the entire day for months and just didn't have many cravings and ate minimal to make sure she was healthy. The same with my son who was born 23 months later. After his birth, I slowly started gaining weight....again.
I experimented with diet pills but I would forget to take them. I tried the Atkins Diet but couldn't stick to it--too many restrictions, I went to WW in 2006 and lost 30 lbs. I needed the support and accountability. I felt great! I got down to 230 lbs which, was still a lot but was my best weight in a long time. I felt like I had control over my eating, then my mom got very sick (almost died on a ventilator) and I started emotional eating.
My weight shot up again over the past few years, I tried more "dieting"--trying the 17-day-diet, which worked for as long as I could stick to it. But diets don't work for me. I'm too hard headed and stubborn and when I want something, I want it. LOL I found I do better eating what I want in moderation. However, over the past few years, the whole "moderation" thing totally has gone out the window. Plus, it really doesn't help with people always telling me "oh, you don't LOOK like you weigh as much as you do!" and the doctors telling me, "you carry your weight well" I used it as an excuse to eat as I wanted since, according to others, I didn't LOOK that big! ....yeah right.
I guess it also didn't help that when I went for my physical 18 months ago to become a Parole Agent they did an EKG, all blood work (cholesterol, sugar, etc.), hearing tests, eye test, blood pressure, etc and I came out healthy as a horse. All normal....which is good! But it gave me yet another "excuse" to eat as I wanted since...hmmm....I am "fat" but since all my tests are normal I must be ok!
I LOVE food. I love the taste of food, I love trying different foods, I'm a "meat and potatoes" gal...don't get me wrong, I do like veggies, but I rarely eat them. I LOVE eating out and we do....at least 3 to 4 times a week. And when we go out, I don't order fish or salads, I go for the cheesy spinach artichoke dip app (there's veggies in that, right???!!!) and a burger or steak. And I HATE diet sodas...yuck. About the only one I can stomach is diet Dr. Pepper (cherry). So of course I would order Pepsi or whatever other cola they had. Only recently to wean myself off, I started asking the waitress to give me half and half (half diet, half regular).
Right now...I feel gross. When I see pictures of myself I get disgusted looking at my double chin and fat-hanging-out-everywhere body. My clothes don't fit as good as they used to, my knees are starting to ache...which just started recently, and my spanx are not going to hold this muffin top in much longer! Overall, I feel horrible about myself and I'm just not happy.
The positive thing is that I HAVE THE ABILITY TO CHANGE IT ALL!!! I'm ready. Let's do this fellow BLC-ers!
Me at my favorite NY winery!