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Relief and frazzlement

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

We got to see my husband briefly this evening. I'm sorry I didn't write about it earlier, but I was completely internet fried between here, Facebook, Live Journal, and texting. He looked better than expected so shortly after the surgery.

Which is to say that he looked like a helicopter crash.

I got through the talk from the nurse, and through talking to him and holding his hand, with a reassuring smile on my face. He was alert enough to respond to us, and speak love with his eyes. He squeezed my hand many times. He tried to tell me he loved me, but he had a ventilator tube down his throat so I shushed him and told him that I knew. His dad, though shaken, was also great about smiling at him. Our dear friends Kat and Eric, and Karla were there to hold onto Erin while she made the first adjustment to the shock of seeing him looking so wan and helpless, then Erin talked to him and our friends all talked to him. The nurse asked about the nail polish, and he flexed his hands to show it off, indicating that he understood. I went back to the bedside to kiss him goodnight, and we all walked back to the waiting room.

Where I had to put my head between my knees for a very long time.


I know that he's doing really well, and that he's strong and healthy. I know that the post-surgical frailty is completely normal and that he will be getting stronger by the hour. I know he will look SO much better when I see him tomorrow. But wow, that was hard.

I'm wearing his wedding ring on the middle finger of my right hand. I look forward to returning it to him when he can tell me he loves me.
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