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My truth about exercise and food

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Day thirteen of my T-Tapp bootcamp and I have to say that although I'm proud of myself for finishing, I am also pretty disturbed by what I have learned and maybe knew all along. Exercise is not something I really struggle with. In some ways, I think I have always used it as proof to myself that I know what I'm doing or that I'm capable of being strong, sticking to it, or pushing myself.
I have always moved. My spark minutes aren't even accurate because I didn't log for months but the benefits of exercise on my aching back, sciatica and frame of mind have kept me active and I have been exercising for 25 years. I've hiked, ran, danced, swam, been a gym member, biked, and walked for a long time.

My problem is that I am still hugely a compulsive over-eater.

The problem is rooted deep and I don't care why I just know that sometimes, as crazy as it sounds, I use exercise as a sick rationalization. "So I'm out of control, but I can run ten miles on the treadmill", "So I ate to the point of nausea, but I can spend three hours at the gym", "Just put down twenty tacos? yeah but I'm on day 13 of a 14 day bootcamp".

Now I am NOT naive enough to think I am burning any of my binges off, it's just a power trip for me. Being in control in one area when I'm so out of control in another. The good news is that it keeps me hanging by a thread from another facet of all or nothing thinking. I also get to keep some of my benefits.

We are all on this journey with a core of complex combinations of strengths and weaknesses, some similar and some not. By process of elimination, I am getting closer to becoming laser precise on exactly what I need to completely focus on. For me, it's not a mattter of low-carb, low-fat, low-point, lactose-free, organic etc........those things are important for sure but I have stood over the sink devouring canned green beans (1 point) just as I have done the same when I have eaten a block of cheese (3 carbs). My main problem is over-eating.


Okay, well I won't minimize my strengths but it is time to move into the tougher area (for me anyway) it's time to seriously address the food issues. I know this is like "DUH" here at Spark but denial is a powerful thing. Really cool, I have to share, as the family and I were reading the gospel tonight, I was encouraged that there really is no slavery we can't be freed from. I have heard it before but I guess I never considered myself in bondage. After all, I can run ten miles on a treadmill. emoticon .............oh shut up!!! emoticon

I don't want to spend too much time with all the "why's" I think I know what has hurt in the past but after 20 something years it has much more to do now with habit and a loose discipline and that will be my focus. Of course I'm going to keep moving, I love it but I won't use it as a distraction from the hard work ahead or as a means of justification regarding my behavior. I don't want to be a half fraud. I am no different that old Lance at this point. Sure there is a good amount of sweat emoticon but there is something else going on behind closed doors that is not nearly as controlled .............. emoticon

So, there is no day 1 anymore I just move forward, think, and use some of what I already know about discipline on my senses. It is going to be tough but it is time.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CANNIE50
    Hey Gorgeous! Oh my GOSH! You are singing my song, sister. You and I are soulmates in this struggle. At least we don't live in the lie that we can "burn off our binges". I LOVE your point about working out to become stronger to show that we have mastery of at least a portion of our will. Just this morning, my prayer was about gluttony - about being freed from gluttony. I can put all sorts of names on this "food addiction" "compulsive overeating" "stress eating", etc etc, ad nauseum, but it all boils down to a very old fashioned sin - gluttony. I have been freed of so many things in my life (gratefully) yet I continue to embrace gluttony all too often. Oh, I have to say though, we differ greatly on certain food items - unless a green bean has been perfectly sautéed by a more talented chef than myself, it won't get near me. I am such a vegetable wimp. Anyway, you amaze me once again, dear friend. I feel less alone, less of a freak in my struggle, because of your words. Thank you for posting this - God bless you.
    1761 days ago
    T-Tapp Bootcamp. Way to go woman!!! I'm so impressed.
    We have the opposite problem. I can handle the food, but can't get my butt out to exercise. Roll us together and we have no problems at all *lmao*
    Hey, you're knocking the barriers down one at a time, and you should be proud of yourself!

    1763 days ago
    Knowledge is power! There's a certain type of peace that comes with understanding what the real problem is, which allows us to do the work to really fix it. Sounds like you're there. emoticon You've got the right attitude, and I know you'll figure this out, and you WILL get this DONE!
    1767 days ago
    Dear Carrie,
    I applaud you for your honesty. We all have our strengths and weaknesses and we all tend to pit one against the other, so that our strengths come out on top. It is not always with weight issues. It can be with character issues also. Some people can't control their anger, but they will donate to a charity and find that some how makes them a wonderful person! Naming the problem is the first step in recovery. Congratulations! You sound like an amazing person!
    1769 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/16/2013 11:04:17 AM
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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