Tuesday, January 15, 2013
I was gone for a long time! I wasnt ready to commit to the changes I needed to make,I think in some ways I was in denial-believing the weight would just be gone one day(totally dreaming with that one).
I was frusterated..people always say"it took you years to gain the weight,it will take time to get rid of it" Well,for me that wasnt true-I gained 120lbs in less than 6 months,and it had NOTHING to do with anything I was doing!!! It was the PCOS,not me shoving food in my face!
I was angry...WHY did this happen?what did I do to deserve this?I had never been overweight,and suddenly here I am..and Im obese.There was no in between,no time to adjust one way or the other..it was literally like a weight bomb was dropped on me..
I didnt care...I was so wrapped up in my negative emotions that I just gave up.I figured it was hopeless,why fight a losing battle?I tried,nothing changed,but that was my negativity holding me back.
I was depressed..how can it not affect somebody to go from a size 6 to a size 22 in less than 6 months?I felt ugly,unworthy of love(from myself or others)and I hated my body for betraying me.
Reality sinks in.... I can deny it all I want to-but the truth is I AM FAT. The weight will not go away the way that it came.My health IS in danger if I dont change.My children ARE suffering because I am unable to participate actively in their lives.My husband SHOULD worry about me not being around to grow old together.And I have finally decided that I AM worth the fight,the tears,the frusteration. I AM the same person I have always been-my size is no longer going to dictate who I am.....I AM FINALLY READY.