I feel guilty and I shouldn't.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Over the past 3 years, I have been on a weight loss journey. It took me 22 months to lose over 100 pounds and I have kept it off for about 2 years. Then it happened. I started getting comfortable in my NEW body. I thought I had it all figured out. I started picking here and there and gained 6 pounds over the past year. 6 pounds does not sound like a lot, but when I fit nice in the size 1o's, then the muffin top showed up, it did a lot to my mental state. Then the worst case scenario happened. I broke my foot. In 6 weeks, I have gained 6-8 pounds. I was still working out, but my diet started to fall apart again.

Just recently a friend asked me to send some recent pictures of me, so we could follow up on my "Success." My success was 15 pounds ago. I failed, once again. I feel guilty that I have, because for the past 3 years, people have watched me. People look to me as a source of motivation and inspiration. People look at my grocery cart, when I am at the store, people follow me online, friends and family check in with me often. I never realized what pressure this would be. I have gained nearly 15 pounds, since I met my goal 2 years ago. I feel like I am not living up to the "Success Story," I have created.

Although my feelings are perfectly valid, this is where I smack my self upside the head and say "Suck it Up, Buttercup." I worked my rear end off to get to my "Success." This minor failure is exactly that. Minor. This is part of life. I am proud that I can see the problem and know how and when to fix it. I know I am not doing this for anyone but ME.

The fact that I have many watching me, only makes me want to push harder, because I want them to see that we WILL fail at times, and it's ok.

No matter what comes your way, you can beat it. I broke my foot 6 weeks ago. If anyone knows me, this was not good. I am a runner and love to Crossfit. I had a pitty party and just kept going to the gym. I have gained 6 pounds, due to reduced activity.

I have no reason to feel guilty. This is my journey and all my beautiful and loving friends/family support me when I succeed and when I fail.

Thank You!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Oh, you're awesome...working out even when your foot is broken! That's dedication and better 15 pounds than 100 pounds!

    With your attitude, you'll get back to looking fantastic in no time. Hope the leg heals quickly and good luck on your journey!

    1864 days ago
    I am blown away that you were working out at a gym with a broken foot! That is amazing! Also, keep up that positive energy and you'll be back on track emoticon
    1864 days ago
    Oh so you are merely human......thank goodness! And rather than disappear, you owned it! And that takes strength and is admirable. Nobody expects perfection. Be gentle to yourself. Heal well!
    1864 days ago
    I can feel your pressure - I had lost 160+ pounds and gained nearly all of it back before I had the courage to admit what had happened - wasted more than TWO years embarrassed and depressed (I had REASON beside the weight to be depressed BUT long after the depression lifted some, I continued to be in denial and just let the weight crawl back onto me. My GOOD habits were slow to go completely so the regaining was SLOW but over several years I had gained most of it back. I am working to reverse that and hope that my emotions will be in better control and that I will not face anything QUITE as devastating as losing a son to set me in a downward spiral.

    You are BACK and you are taking control of the situation before it gets out of control. Don't worry about others watching you, work on the whole healthy lifestyle and putting one foot in front of the other.
    1864 days ago
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