January 15, 2013
It’s been so long since I’ve posted a blog. I’m trying not to be too frustrated about not meeting what I had set in my mind for increased frequency. I journal in my own hand on paper, because in my heart, that’s usually my outlet of choice. The end of December through the first week of January was tough for me emotionally, but through the support of good friends and their gentle (sometimes quite forceful actually:) nudging me to be more open with how I’m feeling instead of holding everything in and waiting until I’m so sad and disappointed that the ones I love aren’t understanding what I’ve left unsaid and haven’t magically “fixed” what was broken, I think progress has been made!
During this time, I have also been reading Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions by Lysa TerKeurst, at the recommendation of someone in a message thread in the Spark team: Perimenopause to Menopause What should You Expect www.sparkpeople.com/mysp
I have really enjoyed the book, and I feel like I have gained a better perspective on communicating emotions in a more productive way. I’ve learned that, with most people, I’m a stuffer rather than an exploder, but over time and excessive stuffing, I can explode with the best of them. I’m less scared to share what’s going on in my head emotionally a little at a time now than I was. I spent some time examining why I have developed that coping mechanism, and also had a nice long “talk” with myself and with God and pointed out that the situation that encouraged me to develop those habits hasn’t been in place for ten years plus now, and that it’s time to move on to more healthy emotional behaviors.
After an initially difficult conversation to initiate got rolling, and many tears later, I’m happy to report that the person I was having difficulty approaching about my feelings has rewarded me with overwhelmingly warm understanding, love and respect. Why did I wait so long to get to this point?? Everything comes to us when we are ready, I guess. I know that my poor/irrational coping skills have played a major role in my past that have contributed to my yo-yo-ing in the weight department, and now that I have achieved a healthy weight after 19 months of diligent work losing it and another almost 11 months maintaining, I must be willing to identify potential de-railing situations- to an extent. Who can predict all life events? No one, but making “imperfect progress”’ toward better coping skills when something unpleasant comes my way is a great place to start.
So, this is where I start with my first goal of 2013-to improve my emotional communications skills. So far it’s made my current relationships better, and I haven’t even been making a conscious effort to do this for very long. Of course I have willingly invited God to help guide my words and my timing of conversations, and I believe that has made a big difference in my confidence and follow through. It’s funny how reminding myself to put God first is something I have to keep doing over time, because I stray after a while and forget to stop trying to fix everything myself, because I can’t...but God can.