Tuesday, January 15, 2013
I know this is an incredibly shallow desire, but I was a "fat girl" throughout school, maybe not the fattest in the room, but at least 2nd-or 3rd place. Couple that with my anxiety and extreme shyness and I never got attention from boys. It didn't really bother me too much at the time; I've always been the type that has more important things to worry about, but now looking back I feel like I missed out on part of that typical teenager experience. Even when I did kinda have boyfriends, they wouldn't "officially" date me because they didn't want to be seen in public with me.
Today men still don't look at me. It kinda starts to make someone feel bad after so many years. Back then I always thought, "It'll be different when I'm older." Now that I'm older it's not. I hope I'm not just dog ugly. It has to be something, and I'm hoping it's my weight rather than the latter. If I meet someone online they'll talk to me fine until they see me, then it's a dead stop. I don't hear from them again. They don't even make an excuse to stop talking. I know I don't need someone like that to begin with, but after it happens so many times it gets kinda hurtful.
This isn't the main reason for my weight loss. My main reason is for myself: to be healthier, feel better, be stronger, and have more stamina. I'm tired of being tired all the time. However, becoming a "hot girl" will be the icing on the cake. I can't wait for them to eat their heart out.