Normally I'm not too much like this and it doesn't last long or happen often, but this morning I woke up in a "blue mood". I think it's all worry and stress over my dad. His Alzheimer's is progressing and even though some days can be good, when they're not, they're REALLY NOT.

Sunday I had the un-pleasure of having to run over to his house and change his colostomy bag because it "sprung" a leak and he had a big mess on his hands. He traveled around the house doing this and that which left a huge mess for me to clean up. I've told him over and over when that happens, just grab his cell phone, lean over or sit on the commode and call me. Nope, he didn't remember to do that.

Yesterday I had to get on him about his bathing. He won't get in the shower because of his bag, although he could, so he takes sink baths. He swears he does that every morning but when I check his wash cloth, why is it still dry? Hmm?

He wants cookies all the time. Little sis, out of silliness, got him 5 packages of cookies for Christmas. They were gone in a week. And I can't seem to keep enough potato chips there for him.

He won't eat many veggies anymore, says they're too hard to chew, but he can bite into hard cookies? Fruit is out of the question and when I suggest it, he says it's too sweet for him but he'll eat 3 cream filled doughnuts one right after another.

Getting him to change his clothes is like teaching a duck to sing. His answer, I don't go out and play in the dirt so my clothes can't be all that bad. Socks? "I don't walk around barefoot, so the inside of them doesn't get dirty and I always have my shoes on so the outside of them don't get dirty". It's not because he doesn't want to do extra laundry because I do it for him.

I have a lot of store list and note book paper for him over there. I tell him when he thinks of something he wants or needs to write it down. Instead he tells me one thing at a time just about every day..he forgot to write it down. He bombards me with all kinds of things the minute I walk in his door EVERY day before I even get my coat off.

He never knows how stressed I get over the things he does because most of it, I know he can't help, and I don't want him to feel bad about it. No, he's not ready for a "home" yet, he can still be on his own, but not without the extra help. Don't get me wrong, I love him very much and I want to help him, but just sometimes... :(

Alzheimer's is a horrible disease. Link that to his emphazyma, asthma, colostomy and age and it's even worse. He is a 3 time cancer survivor and I'm so proud of him for that! He never fails to make me laugh several times a day. He can be ornery and very serious, he can still give out some great fatherly advice from time to time, I know he appreciates every thing I do for him big or small and I know he loves me very much. Those are the things that are most important. :)

So now that I got all this out, I do feel much better and not quite so blue. If you were able to sit through all this..I thank you very much for "listening". :) I feel now like I can move on with my day by flipping that little switch I have on the back of my neck to "smile".

HUGS!