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Blue Tuesday

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Normally I'm not too much like this and it doesn't last long or happen often, but this morning I woke up in a "blue mood". I think it's all worry and stress over my dad. His Alzheimer's is progressing and even though some days can be good, when they're not, they're REALLY NOT.

Sunday I had the un-pleasure of having to run over to his house and change his colostomy bag because it "sprung" a leak and he had a big mess on his hands. He traveled around the house doing this and that which left a huge mess for me to clean up. I've told him over and over when that happens, just grab his cell phone, lean over or sit on the commode and call me. Nope, he didn't remember to do that.

Yesterday I had to get on him about his bathing. He won't get in the shower because of his bag, although he could, so he takes sink baths. He swears he does that every morning but when I check his wash cloth, why is it still dry? Hmm?

He wants cookies all the time. Little sis, out of silliness, got him 5 packages of cookies for Christmas. They were gone in a week. And I can't seem to keep enough potato chips there for him.

He won't eat many veggies anymore, says they're too hard to chew, but he can bite into hard cookies? Fruit is out of the question and when I suggest it, he says it's too sweet for him but he'll eat 3 cream filled doughnuts one right after another.

Getting him to change his clothes is like teaching a duck to sing. His answer, I don't go out and play in the dirt so my clothes can't be all that bad. Socks? "I don't walk around barefoot, so the inside of them doesn't get dirty and I always have my shoes on so the outside of them don't get dirty". It's not because he doesn't want to do extra laundry because I do it for him.

I have a lot of store list and note book paper for him over there. I tell him when he thinks of something he wants or needs to write it down. Instead he tells me one thing at a time just about every day..he forgot to write it down. He bombards me with all kinds of things the minute I walk in his door EVERY day before I even get my coat off.

He never knows how stressed I get over the things he does because most of it, I know he can't help, and I don't want him to feel bad about it. No, he's not ready for a "home" yet, he can still be on his own, but not without the extra help. Don't get me wrong, I love him very much and I want to help him, but just sometimes... :(

Alzheimer's is a horrible disease. Link that to his emphazyma, asthma, colostomy and age and it's even worse. He is a 3 time cancer survivor and I'm so proud of him for that! He never fails to make me laugh several times a day. He can be ornery and very serious, he can still give out some great fatherly advice from time to time, I know he appreciates every thing I do for him big or small and I know he loves me very much. Those are the things that are most important. :)

So now that I got all this out, I do feel much better and not quite so blue. If you were able to sit through all this..I thank you very much for "listening". :) I feel now like I can move on with my day by flipping that little switch I have on the back of my neck to "smile".

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Caregiving is one of the hardest jobs but it can be very rewarding too. You are an angel to be there for your dad as many children aren't for their aging parents.Try to take time for yourself and also accept help if and when it's offered to you. Your dad knows how much you do for him even if sometimes he forgets to tell you :)
    1887 days ago
    Susie...I am praying for you and for Daddy. I love you both!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1891 days ago
    Aww, Beejay! You'd be nuts if you didn't feel like this sometimes! None of this sounds like a piece of cake. I'm wondering if your local hospice center can give you help with palliative care. My daughter was a counselor for hospice and when her grandpa was going downhill, I was surprised at how much they could help.

    As far as the issue of vegetables goes, you can sometimes sneak some into baked goods or smoothies. Just tell him you're making him a chocolate milkshake and puree some frozen veggies or a banana into it. Cornbread is great for concealing vegetables, too. That's what I do for my birds and although they try to avoid them, they always gobble down the birdy bread without any qualms. And how about baked apples? That and stewed prunes were some of my great-grandmothers favorite snacks when she got older...just make sure his colostomy bag is securely attached!
    1891 days ago
    You have a right to be blue with all that you are dealing with. Caring for someone who is ill is very difficult & requires a lot of patience. You are truly a saint!
    1892 days ago
    I can empathize with you because of my aunt. I am sorry you have to do this alone with out the help of your siblings. I know it sucks!

    We are here for you!!!
    1893 days ago
    hugs, hugs, hugs
    1893 days ago
    Just wanted to let you know that you were " heard" and we are still " listening" and don't mind a bit. You are doing a wonderful job the care you are providing now, should YOU ever need that type of care , it will be there for you. ......that's just a law of the universe. emoticon
    1893 days ago
    emoticon My heart truly goes out to you. I have yet to have to deal with Alzheimer's in my own family but I've had friends who's parents/grandparents have had this horrible disease. I do understand the burden of helping a loved one, my grandfather became a quadriplegic after a terrible elevator shaft fall. Honestly, they didn't expect him to live. But, he did, for many years after. He, along with my grandma, lived @my parent's house for the 1st part of his recovery. This was my 1st years in college. It was indeed very stressful. I never imagined having to change my grandfather's soiled bed. On the other hand, I'm sure he was more embarrassed (he still had an active mind) because his granddaughter was seeing his private parts and having to clean him after he had soiled.
    So, you have many who are in your exact shoes (tho I'm not), many who understand the stress and burden (I do), and many who care and send virtual hugs emoticon to you. So when all you want to do is scream bloody murder, hopefully you'll remember your SparkPeople friends and come to us for support. We are your shoulder to cry on, to scream at, to say HELP, just as we are here to be your support through your life-changing journey of weight loss emoticon

    Shamra emoticon
    1893 days ago
    Glad it helped. Caring for someone with alzhimers can be very difficult. Know that if you need help, there are those who can help, be it paid help, or a lot of local organization have respite care also. Sounds like you aren't with him 24 hours a day though, which is good.
    1893 days ago
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