Oh the drama...
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
I have a friend who is a drama queen. Don't we all? But after last night, I am re-evaluating whether I want to keep expending the energy.
Story (all names have been changed to nouns, just cause I feel like it):
I was walking up the street on Saturday with my sweetie. We stopped to say hello to a friend, Flower (see how fun nouns for names can be?). Flower asked me if I was going to the Girl's Night on Monday. No, I hadn't heard. So, she told me the restaurant and the time and said she'd see me there. Cool.
I saw another friend that night, Violet, and told her there was a Girl's Night on Monday, and asked if she wanted to come. I called Flower Monday afternoon to see if it was okay to bring another friend - figuring I'd just not come if it was a problem. She said to call Apple, who was the organizer of the evening. Now Apple is (theoretically) a closer friend of mine than Flower. I called her. She answered, but said she was at work and would call me back (fairly typical, and she sometimes calls back that day, or a few days later, or not at all).
So, she calls me back around 6 (dinner is at 8). *Sidenote: It is often hard to get in a word edgewise with her on the phone.* She starts out with a funny anecdote about her work day, and then proceeds to tell me how some people are getting together for dinner, but that there is no room at the table for me... oh, but that I could join them afterward for drinks.
She then tried to blame it on the proprietress of the restaurant (who is a tyrant), and telling me that it was a last minute thing (yeah right, I heard about it 2 days ago). The whole time, I'm just thinking to myself, why can't she just be honest? I can hear the b*llsh*t dripping across the phone line. The long and short of it was that I declined her offer for the drink, honestly telling her that if there is no room for me at the table for dinner (her words), that there would be no room for me for drinks. Plus, I would feel uncomfortable, knowing that I wasn't wanted. No thanks. So, she starts to get all huffy about it, and hangs up on me. Ooh, that's mature.
If you say to someone that there's no room for them at your party for dinner, then there's no room for them for drinks, either. How can she not realize that anyone would feel stupid coming in for drinks... Hi, I'm not invited for dinner with you ladies, so I'm crashing afterwards. That's just weird.
I've listened to Apple complain about how she didn't get invited to this or that, and I'm on the line thinking how I didn't get invited either... and, in fact, didn't even know about the event she had mentioned. The only time I've been invited is when it is my party. I can deal with that. No worries.
Several months ago, a mutual friend, Mariposa, and I, had a Girl's Night. Apple had previously told me that she was busy Tuesday. However, Tuesday was the only night Mariposa and I could both do it that week, and since we were organizing it together, that was when we had to do it. I felt really bad that that was a bad night for Apple, but was left with the feeling that she took it personally. I strongly feel that I wasn't invited because of that. Again, really mature.
Here's an excerpt from an email that I sent her this morning:
"I am sorry that you were upset by my reaction, but if you put yourself in my shoes, I think you'd understand why the offer to join you for drinks afterwards was cheeky. Had you really wanted me to come have drinks with you, you would have invited me in the first place. So, I knew I wasn't wanted. Sure, that would have been sad to have been forgotten (hoping I was simply forgotten), but I would have gotten over it. But going to the trouble of dancing around the issue, and trying to blame it on the restaurant owner... well, again, if there was no room for me for dinner, there would have been no room for me for drinks. Simple. Just tell me that you didn't think to invite me... or, that you preferred not to.
I am being honest here. In the past, you've said that you'd prefer honesty when having trouble with friends, so I am telling you what I feel. I am equally open to your feelings, and equally appreciative of honesty.
I'm willing to work through this if you are, but hanging up on someone isn't the way... Please call when you're not pressed for time."
Anyway, I just wanted to vent to the universe. When I got off the phone with her, my sweetie asked me why I even bother. He pointed out that she is a complete drama queen. Good point. I have to admit that I let her get under my skin, and my tone of voice may not have been as patient and warm as I usually am, which I am sure didn't help the situation. But whatever.
At this point, I am pretty much ready to cut my losses with her. The only problem with that is that living in a small town, and having seen people gang up on someone, ostracizing them, I really hope that doesn't happen to me. I don't think it will, as like my sweetie said, Apple is a drama queen. She is constantly falling out with one person or another, so I think people will take anything she says with a grain of salt. But still... frustrating.
P.S. I had a lovely evening with Violet. We went to dinner and chatted (something that is next to impossible in the restaurant where the Girl's Night was held).