I don't know if y'all have this problem but I sure do.
Exactly 5 days ago, I began seriously tracking everything I eat (I mean, every little morsel).
Unbeknowest to me, this is a lot harder than I thought people.
In these 5 days, I have learned so much about all the bad stuff I have been putting into my body. Now, I'm not talking about that I need to go all organic, no bread, no processed food and no sweet stuff. I would literally go crazy if I were trying to do all that. For me, that's just too much to take on.
I'm going to be completely honest and admit (grudgingly), that I have now been on Sparkpeople 1 whole year but have only just now begun to focus on me.
I get on this computer and root and cheer everyone on. Encourage people to keep up the good work that they are doing and I am not sure why I'm not being struck by lightning. Me being the proverbial hypocrite and all. I can talk the talk but still get out of breathe when I try to walk the walk.
Why? You might ask. The honest conclusion that I have come to in these past 5 days is that I am absolutely terrified of not being able to go through with the lifestyle change needed to succeed.
Sitting here trying to find healthy, good for me recipes and also trying to tackle the fact that my husband absolutely hates any kind of vegetable (unless his Granny makes her just picked greenbeans for dinner and he doesn't have a choice).
My kids are also very picky eaters. I really don't want to make everyone something different for dinner and usually just end up falling back on the beloved favorite: Macaroni and Cheese, oven baked chicken tenders and mashed potatoes. I know they will all eat that. I have even tried shredding bits of carrots and zucchini and lo and behold, someone finds me out and calls me out on it.
I have even begun to argue with myself about what I should and should not be eating at any given time of the day. (Yes, I do counter answer myself with excuses, I don't get out much)
I have a really hard time focusing any time on myself. I can tell you right here and now that I'm actually getting pretty tired of being with me.
I am also quite ashamed to admit that I have not actually put in 150 hours a month for fitness minutes in about 4 months. I know, I know. That is really really bad and once again, being hypocritical. I try to reason it out as I just have too much going on right now, what with the new semester for homeschooling starting and getting all my grades and attendance in order so that I don't fall behind with that. I could tell you the whole list of things that I'm trying to juggle right now, but y'all would be asleep in about 2 seconds flat.
I have decided to continue tracking my food, even though, I don't like the #'s I see at the end of the day. I'm slowly learning to fix that and choose more wisely so I don't go over my calorie allowance.
I figured, if I air all my Sparkpeople Hypocrisy, I will be holding myself accountable of pulling myself up by my bootstraps, put my big girl panties on and just put my nose to the grindstone (not literally, that would hurt).
I can sit on my butt and complain about there being no changes to my weight but if I'm not actually doing anything to change that, then I deserve the laugh in the face for thinking that the pounds were just going to take care of themselves. I know, that sounds really stupid. I can't be the only person in the world to think that way (if I am, well, serves me right when I laugh inwardly at myself about it).
If anyone else has any of these problems, feel free to comment on it. It would be nice to know that I'm not alone in this.
I have hit the brick wall and I'm now in the process of trying to get my overly fluffy butt over that same wall. It will be done and I will eventually get to the other side. Eventually. Maybe slightly out of breathe, but that just comes with the territory. That too, shall pass.