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My Most Embarrassing Moment


Monday, January 14, 2013

For many years, I didn't have an answer to the question "what's your most embarrassing moment?" for the simple reason that I do so many conventionally embarrassing things, intentionally, on such a regular basis, that it takes a lot to faze me. Then... THIS happened. This is actually a blog entry I wrote on another journal while I was still in college and the incident was fresh in my mind. I've largely preserved it for posterity, and thought I should share it with all of you now who have sadly been lacking awareness of this occurrence for so many years. I'll warn there is a slight bit of TMI in the story, but, really, it's a small price to pay for this much entertainment.

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This is a tale from way way back in my sophomore year of college. You know, 2005. Perhaps you've heard it before, but I shall spin the tale, nonetheless, to entertain old and new listeners alike.

It was fall semester. I was taking a class called Wildlife Issues in the New Millennium. (What? It was a science credit!) Despite the name, it was actually very interesting material. The lecture itself, however, was NOT very interesting. However, one day a week, he showed a video in class and gave us a questionnaire for each video. One question from each of these questionnaires was on the exam. Being the grade-grubber I am/was/was striving to be, I, of course, showed up to each class to make sure I had all the lecture material handy. Luckily, I'd recently acquired a free laptop to keep me entertained in the non-pertinent parts of the class.

Now, when I say it was "free," well, there was a reason. It worked, sure. Much in the way a tornado is a gust of wind, it worked. It took small amounts of ritualistic dancing and minor insect sacrifice to get it turned on everyday, but once it was going, it generally kept it up. But, it was always a crapshoot. In order to give you hard numbers with which to envision this... it was a Compaq Presario 1200. The 2100 was already outdated at the time. It choked on Windows 98.

At any rate, I was one of the few students who actually attended every class, sitting right up in the front, feigning attention while really reading LiveJournal and chatting with friends. But the professor saw me there, assumed I was attentive, and gave me leeway when I slept through the second exam... er... appeared to like me. Plus, hey... this was 2005. Not everyone HAD a laptop yet! I was chic. I was sophisticated. My laptop, I thought, was my tool and my best friend.

Halfway through the semester, I would find out it was actually my downfall and my foe.

This one fateful day, class was ending and I was getting ready to pack up and move on to my next class. I began the lengthy process of coaxing my laptop into "sleep" mode so I could safely store it in my backpack while in transit. However, it refused to be subdued. My will to fight, however, was weakened by a nagging bladder and a 15-minute class change time. In desperation, I held down the power button, but to no avail. It simply would. Not. DIE. So, cursing under my breath, I grabbed that hunk of belligerent technology and trudged toward the single-stall unisex bathroom at the front of the lecture hall.

As I entered, I realized the door did not lock. Oh well, I thought to myself, I'll just put my backpack and computer right in front of the door! That way, if someone tries to come in, they'll hit them first and I'll have time to say something to stop them! It was only later I would discover the door opened not inward, but outward, any my plans at thwarting would-be intruders were ineffective.

Now, at this point, you may think you see where this is going. Oooooh no, my friends. You would be sorely mistaken.

I dropped my drawers, both over and under, and wedged them securely around my ankles. I sat on the pot and did my thing. When I was done, I reached for the toilet paper and wiped. Much to my dismay, it came back smeared with red. Was it that time of the month already? Okay, well, I have a pad in my backpack, so I'll finish cleaning myself and trudge over there.

Not wanting to soil my underpants, I waddled over to my backpack, drawers still around my ankles, and retrieved a pad from the pouch. As I was doing this, my laptop suddenly began emitting this piercing high-pitching WHIRR sound. Fantastic. I tucked the pad under my chin and opened up the laptop to press and hold down the power button until the infernal noise stopped. It would bow to my will this time!

At this EXACT MOMENT IN TIME, the door flies WIDE open.

There I am: naked from the waist down, pants and underpants around my ankles, feminine pad tucked under my chin, leaning over a computer (seemingly surfing the web or something, I don't know?), DIRECTLY in front of the door. With a VERY surprised college-aged male standing there staring at me from about two feet away. And two rows of students from the next class doing so from their seats. The kid who threw open the door stammered. I looked at him. He looked at me. Time froze.

After a few stunned moments, I managed to stutter, "C-C-C-CLOSE THE DOOR!" He nodded and did so. I finished up as quickly as I could and gathered up my things. I seriously considered addressing the class afterwards, explaining the situation. Surely they'd understand, right? Yeah, likely not so much. Besides... that would ensure they'd recognize me later. No, I did the wise thing- I RAN out of the bathroom and through the classroom doors, leaving the last of my dignity awash in my wake.

I didn't need it, anyway, right?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
PICKIE98 1/15/2013 4:36PM

    This happened with me, but not TO me, but still worth the sh--ts and giggles.

Not sure if this tops it, BUT "I was in Mexico on a vacation at age 17. A whole gaggle of junior high and high school students staying in a beautiful expensive hotel, downtown, 1970.
On the roof of this hotel was a nine hole golf course, a beautiful swimming pool, tiki hut tables for cocktails. Overlooking this whole shebang was huge, upscale, happening restaurant/bar with FULL GLASS WALLS, ,, everyone in the place, no matter where they were sitting, could see everything on this fourteen floor roof.
One of my classmates and I decided we were going to swim. (Did I mention that it was dark out, August, only lights were in the pool?)
We came up the elevator, with suits on, suitable covering on too. Sue did not bring her own suit, so borrowed her best friend, Julie's two piece suit..

I cannot dive, so I gently jump in in the deep end, come up for air and see Sue strutting her stuff to the diving board, telling me that she was going to show these Mexican bartenders how athletic and sophisticated American girls were....
hokay,,,

She prances onto the diving board, turns around to face everybody in the place and the ten tiki hut tables scattered about on the outside(about two hundred people), spins back to face the lit up pool,
takes a big dive off the board, while I am sculling in the deep end waiting for her to surface.
five seconds alter, WHOOSh! Up she comes, with a huge beaming smile on her face, turns around facing them all , starts to swim to the ladder and both pieces of her suit floated towards ME! An E.F Hutton moment fer sure..
I jump out grasping her suit, toss her her beach towel and her entire red body came up the ladder and as she heads INTO THE RESTAURANT, , she punches the button for the elevator and it would not open... Finally it did and it was full of women WITH TIARAS on their heads(some royal thing going on here). Down the 'vator she goes, and for the next twelve days she stayed away from the bar!!
Every morning there was a note slipped under her door for a date form some guy working there!!

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ANDROMEDA1967 1/14/2013 10:04PM

    OMG, that is awful!! I think i would have transferred schools!

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KATRINAKRAUT 1/14/2013 9:45PM

    That is embarrassing., but rest assured, somebody out there has a story to trump it and so you are not alone. "Sh1t happens!". What can you do?

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KATRINAKRAUT 1/14/2013 9:44PM

    That is embarrassing., but rest assured, somebody out there has a story to trump it and so you are not alone. "Sh1t happens!". What can you do?

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TWIRLANDSWIRL 1/14/2013 9:02PM

    There was a brief moment where NOT making out alive seemed like the best option. :P

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WYTRIX 1/14/2013 9:01PM

    I'm sorry this happened to you, but OMG I am thankful for you sharing this made for comedy movie story! Glad you made it out alive!

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