Monday, January 14, 2013
My pants are too tight. In the last few weeks, last few days, everything has tightened up. Living on bacon cheeseburgers and Dr. Pepper and donuts and gas station hot dogs and cookies and Mt. Dew has a way of doing that. I have been getting to the gym off and on. It's been hit or miss, but when I get there I run myself stupid on the treadmill and more often than not do strength training.
The gym will be my saviour. I know you can't out train a bad diet and my diet now would have to improve mightily to be considered bad. But I believe that you can train yourself out of a bad diet. When all hell breaks loose and a darkness overshadows everything at work (think Peyton Place on acid with a little Jason tossed in for good measure) things get tough. Managable, but tough. I have Mondays off. I only work 5 to 6 hours on the weekends. During the week, I have little in the way of responsibility keeping me from getting to the gym or hitting the streets for a bit. It's when you have a dying father in the hospital that everything goes kablooey.
Yes, my Dad is dying. Back before his 90th birthday, he was diagnosed with cancer. Because of his age, they couldn't give him chemo, but he got radiation. We could see him getting weaker, but he was still able to get around. Sometime over the Christmas holidays, he started having trouble standing. Last week, while I was at work, he fell and couldn't get up. Nothing broken, but my sister and son had to take him to the hospital. He's still there...napping at the moment...and when he is released, it will probably be to hospice.
In times like these, I shut down and eat. Thank God I have a girlfriend that realizes this and pushes me to the gym and thank God I've got races coming up that I must train for. If I didn't get to the gym, I would enter a spiral of despair that might be so catastrophic I'd end up some where north of 300lbs. However, my sisters understand that for me to be of some use in this time, I need to be healthy and they have pushed me to the gym. My kids have been the same. This really sucks.
As long as I keep going to the gym I will update my food tracker. The more I do one, the more I'll do the other. The more I do both, more I'll be able to deal with the stresses that are building. Right now, though, I'm doing something more important than either of those to: I'm hanging with my Dad.