Monday, January 14, 2013
I'm confused. Since re-dedicating myself to this lifestyle change after the move, over a month ago, I haven't lost one pound. My clothes don't fit any differently. I go to the gym several times a week, when before I barely left the house. My eating hasn't changed much, but I'm not eating more than I was before, and I've cut soda out of my life. I feel I'm doing it right. I'm just not seeing any physical results.
Now, I do feel like I have more energy. I'm much more aware of my body than I was before (usually cause it's complaining about the last workout). I know my walking pace has increased, cause I can keep up with others when I walk the few blocks to the train. I'm trying to tell myself that these small improvements are all that matter. But, emotionally, that is apparently not the case.
I'm thinking that my body is waiting for me to quit. It knows I go through these phases, and it's holding out till it believes I mean it.
But now that I read those lines above, maybe that isn't it. All my life I've thought as my body as something seperate from 'me' - A thing I'm attached to, that I'm constantly fighting or appeasing or something similar. Spiritually, I have always believed Yoda - We are beings of light, not this crude matter. Perhaps I need to work on unification with my body, shifting that belief to one where I am the fleshy container, and the fleshy container is me... or at least getting my body and me on the same page, to agree that this is what we are doing, and it is not a phase. When my body wants to go to Aqua class as much as my mind does... then maybe I'll see results.