Monday, January 14, 2013
I bet THAT title got your attention! Let me start by assuring you it wasn't human, or this story would have a whole different bent.
This past weekend my husband got up on Saturday morning and was really sick. He fully succumbed to the cold he'd been trying to fight and, well, looked and felt like crap. So I tucked him in bed, fired up the Vicks humidifier, started making a pot of homemade chicken soup, and was determined to get him over the worst of it before Monday morning.
In his many trips to the bathroom for nose blowing, he wandered over to the big window that overlooks our upper pasture and ... well, perhaps I should just tell the story as he recounted it to me.
Out in the upper pasture he saw the tip of Dudley's tail headed WAY OUT towards the fence. Curious as to what could make our dog, who sleeps 98% of the day, actually wander that far from the safety of the front porch (remember, the dog is afraid to leave the porch at night because a deer snorted at him once) Joe just watched the tail tip. Dudley headed out about 100 yards and stopped. There the tail tip bobbed up and down for about 3-4 minutes before he saw it start heading in a straight path back to the house. Then it veered off around the garden and up the pathway to the driveway where doggus appeared with something large in his mouth as he headed up the front walkway.
My husband has a sick sense of humor. He knew what Dudley had - so he opened the door just so he could watch what would happen next.
In came my dog with his greatest prize and I heard a "clunk" in the living room followed by warning growls to the cats. (Mind you, the cats had no interest in this other than the same as Joe, and sat there to watch what would happen next.)
"Grrrrrrrrrr - woof woof woof - grrrrrrrrrrrr"
(translation - back off you cats - Mom lookie here - I mean it cats....)
"Dudley? What's Up? What is that? OH MY GOD??! WHAT IS THAT????"
(translation - dog? what now? I'm confused. Holy schneikies - I'm going to be sick)
I did not see my stupidly grinning husband in the doorway to the bedroom.
"Dudley - get away from that! Move! Ewww! Oh god - you found a HEAD? Give it to me! Dudley! Dudley!!! Come back here with that head - give it to me - now! - give...it....to...me - let go! LET...GO!!!"
As I'm trying to not touch a decomposing head (which thankfully was mostly skull) and pry my dogs jaws open so he'll drop it, I suddenly hear laughter from the bedroom. Joe was having a great time watching as I finally got the head/skull away.
I looked up and nearly clobbered him with a deer skull.
So I figured since he was feeling good enough to set me up, he must be feeling good enough to take it from there, which he did. He took Dudley's most bestest prize ever, and threw it away.
Now Dudley was completely confused here because every time Joe came home with a deer, there was much rejoicing. And here he brings one home (granted in pieces) and all I do is get grossed out and throw it away.
After the grossness of the situation wore off, because it was really just a bone (mostly), then I really wanted to find the rest of the deer so I wasn't having it show up daily for the next month. So off I went tromping through the upper pasture with my husband, the great hunter, going the wrong way. I simply followed Dudley's footie prints in the snow and lo and behold - we found a frozen skeleton of a deer (headless of course).
And that is when I decided I wanted to know more about how it died (I have clearly watched too much CSI tv) but we couldn't find any evidence of anything other than she died there and was discovered by my dog.
Now - I try to include every weird situation I get into and calculate fitness minutes to go along. So I have:
Dog wrestling: 3 minutes
Pasture hiking: 7 minutes
Deer disposal: 0 minutes - Joe got that one.
So it is 6:30 am on Monday and I have gotten my husband successfully off to work and it is still dark outside so I thought I had a few moments to sit here and recount this.
Dudley just went out the dog door and hasn't come back yet.