Battling the Fatitude
Monday, January 14, 2013
So, speaking in terms of actuality, nothing has changed since last Friday, around 7 PM. But when you enter the realm of reality…
I wrote a blog Friday with a couple of songs linked, both of which suggest that perception is reality. The next day, I mentioned how the mirrored glass in the gym reflected my fat-assed self. There’s something awfully, awfully meta going on here, in the fact that just after those events, I’ve been feeling fat all weekend, whereas until stepping on that treadmill Friday, I was fine with where I was on this journey. A self-fulfilling prophecy, if you will.
I mean, last week, I took before pics for the current BLC round, and noted the protruding belly, and…that was it. I’m not sharing those pics publicly, but that wasn’t out of any sort of morbid embarrassment, or anything of the sort, it’s just because I haven’t been sharing any half naked pics of myself on here, no matter how much you beg (ok, ok, no one is begging for any such thing). But I took those pics, and didn't really think anything of it at the time. And now, I'm looking at them again, and wondering, why not? Did I not see the protruding belly? Or was it that I didn't see it as Protruding (the capital P makes all the difference, don'tcha know?)
So, now I’m left to wonder if it’s a case of talking myself into it. Whether I didn't, by typing out those particular thoughts in that particular timeframe and juxtaposition, set myself up into having this reaction. I didn’t even make that connection until I typed out the entry title, intending to reference only the post-treadmill blog.
All that said, the “suddenly feeling fat” feeling isn’t a new phenomenon. It’s just that it usually occurs after a gain of 5-7 lbs, throughout which I stroll around feeling fine, until one day I wake up, look in the mirror and utter an expletive. This time, I've been in an essential plateau for a while. I haven't gained any lasting weight, certainly not the kind of previous trigger event Honestly, this particular strain of fatitude hasn’t really struck within the past 16 months, since I’ve been on this site. So, I'm a little surprised to see it rearing its ugly head…and more than a little amused that it’s doing so at the outset of my foray into the BLC challenge, something that seems rather well-suited to take on that very feeling. And, just to extend the web of interconnected among my recent scribblings, I happened to mention the BLC challenge in Sunday's entry.
Do you believe in coincidences?