I recently read a short story about an elephant that wanted to be a butterfly. The basic story was that everyone told the elephant that he could never be a butterfly because he was an elephant. He believed everyone for a while, but one day decided he wasn't going to listen to what everyone else was saying. He decided that he was going to do what he wanted to do...So, he found a way to become a butterfly!
I have been thinking about this story for the last two weeks or so. I think it mirrors my life quite a bit. The little twist in my story is that I listen to what people say I "should" do instead of what I want to do. I think it parallels the elephants story quite a bit and I think I have finally decided that I want to change my life and be a butterfly too! A financially secure butterfly, but a butterfly nonetheless.
I know in my life, I have often trusted the opinions of my close friends and family so much so, that I tend to discount my own thoughts. What I need to realize is, this is MY life and no one else is going to put in the work for the decisions I make but ME. So, it's fine to hear others out, but I need to learn to truly begin trusting my intuition and knowing that its going to be okay, because my intuition IS trustworthy. I know what is best for me more so than anyone else...not only because they haven't walked in my shoes, but they haven't been in my head or loved with my heart. They haven't been hurt by the same words or been taken advantage of by the same people. They may feel that they really know me and they know what's best, but ultimately...the only one who really knows that is me.
I know this is a little off topic for a WL blog, but I think I am finally starting to understand how everything in my life is correlated. I am unhappy in my job, but I stayed because I work for family. The unhappiness made me turn to food to cope, which I felt horrible about myself for and therefore didn't want to go to the gym. Also, because my job is not great and getting paid has been problematic, I have not been able to go out with friends because I don't have the money. So, it is making me feel more isolated, churning the cycle of coping with food and lack of exercise. I get it now, its all intertwined.
These last few weeks, I have not turned to food. This is a huge step for me. But, what needs to happen now, is I need to find a job that will allow me to be financially stable again AND will make me feel good about myself so that I am not falling back into that old pattern.
Sometimes I wish WL wasn't so difficult and so emotional. But I also know that if I don't finally learn how to cope without food, I will never be at a healthy weight or be able to maintain it. It's time for this elephant to grow some wings and become the butterfly she knows she is!
Have a great week, friends!