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    FIDDLEMOM   5,339
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Stress. Stressed. Stressful. Stressed Out.


Sunday, January 13, 2013

"Daily Community Task

Have you struggled with stress or anxiety related to your weight-loss program or weigh-ins? Blog about your experience. Sometimes, just getting things off your mind will help you find a new perspective."

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Personally, I stress about most everything. I even stress about things that are supposed to help us un-stress. emoticon

"Am I doing this yoga pose right? Am I breathing right? How about this meditation thingy I'm trying - am I not thinking enough, or am I thinking about what I'm supposed to be thinking about?" emoticon

Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

So yeah - I stress about stuff "related to (my) weight-loss program or weigh-ins". I also stress about stuff "related to (my exercise) program".

I get stressed many of the times that I come to here to SparkPeople because I'm dancing (figuratively) around the edges of "The Program" instead of doing the program.

Nearly everyday I read the little notes on my "Check-ins Page" that's part of SparkCoach about how it's clear I'm having problems with sticking to the program, being motivated, being consistant - (that last one isn't true, I'm consistently not doing anything but I don't think that's the consistency they want emoticon ) - and reminding me that I can get support from a SparkCoach coach or from SparkFriends.

BUT . . .

No one can help with the fact that I'm just going through the 5 pages of the SparkCoach program, checking little boxes, reading the "Daily Visualization" and usually thinking it's all rather an exercise in futility or coming up with a negative spin on whatever it is, and not doing any of the program other than that.

I'm being honest in how I check the boxes, but fake in that I'm not doing the program.

It tells me I'm in "stage 3 of 4 of (my) SparkPeople Program" but I'm not really because I'm not tracking my eating, not drinking all the water, not getting 5 freggies, not watching my calorie intake. Not avoiding all the "unhealthy" foods I like and not substituting "healthy" foods for them I don't really like as much. I'm not doing purposeful exercising although I think I'm moving about generally more than I was.

I want to do SparkPeople - but I'm not.

I want to write my mystery book - but I'm not working on it.

I want to get my office/craft room painted and setup so it's pleasant and functional (it got packed up for new carpet installation & is still all packed) - but I'm not getting at that at all.

I spent from Dec. 4th to Jan. 7th out of state to help my brother while he had colon cancer surgery and so many weird things went wrong - other than the surgery itself once it actually was done, that went very well - that I ended up being there for only 1 week of his recovery instead of nearly three weeks of it as planned. Throughout the month I was mostly very stressed out.

My husband is miserable with his job, has been for about two years. He is stressed out. He is depressed. He's 62 and not horribly tech oriented and what the heck is he going to do to get a new job if he quits the stressful job and so I have all of that to handle. NO, I can't do it all for him. NO, I can't make him quit stressing etc. BUT, I love him and I care about him so his pains all affect me. I want to be the best I can be so I'm not dragged down by his stress and so I can do as much as I can to be supportive.

I know.

I know so many of you have issues in your lives that are a million times more harsh than my wussy issues. You have chronic illnesses or a loved one does. You weigh a lot more than I do and have all sorts of health and mobility issues because of it. You're also stressed out and depressed. But you're here working hard on eating and exercising and many of you don't even grouse about it all like I do. That is pretty much all I do here is grouse and grump and mope and whine.

But I keep showing up here.

Several of you have become friends and that amazes me because I'm such a Negative Nelly, and your friendship touches my heart. You amaze me because you've shown concern for me and have encouraged me even though I'm still a downer.


I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm headed or anything.

I can't set goals because I don't function well with the whole goals thing.
I can't set goals because I don't know what I want anymore.

None of my immediate family - parents, grandparents, aunt - have lived past 83 and all of them were sickly the last few years of their lives.

I'm 58.

I figure I have about 15 to 20 years of "good" life left.

How do I decide what's worth spending that time doing?

I suppose I should add that everyone on my Dad's side of the family were fat. Everyone on my Mom's side were skinny but smoked like chimneys. So both families had major poor health causing factors in their lifestyles.

Other than breathing my parents second hand smoke until I was about 20 I've never smoked. But I am fat.

Will it really matter if I lose weight? And how much? Every time my Dad got near his supposed "healthy weight" he'd get sick. His sister did the same thing. But neither did they try to be "fit though fat" by exercising.

Will it matter if I finish my book and can get it published, knowing that I'll be expected to write another? And perhaps another.

Will it matter if I get my office/craft room (my cave, my oasis) in a condition where I feel at peace and able to work in there?

I know it will matter, help my quality of life & his, if I help my hubby through his issues because then I won't be having to cope with his stress on top of my own.

I know it matters that I'm there for my adult kids and their families when they need me. And I know that when I'm around them it is better for everyone if I'm not moody and stressed.

I know I'm not able to be as creative when I'm all stressed out and depressed.

And so now, added to everything else, I'm stressing over what I should do and what I should let go of . . .

*sigh*


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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
GIVENTHANKS 1/17/2013 11:44AM

    I like the advice that you have gotten from others on here and think that the KEY for you is changing how you think and changing your self-image. Try to LOOK for one positive thing each day! If you look for it, you WILL find it! Concentrate on just ONE thing that you did that was good concerning eating healthier or exercising! Rejoice in that victory...even if you consider it a small one! Small victories add up and over time and they can become VERY significant! Don't concentrate on the failures because that will only bring you down. The fact is...we ALL fail BUT we ALL have the potential to get up and try again! If we keep looking BACK at our past failures, we cannot look AHEAD with hope for our future!
emoticon
Pat

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FIDDLEMOM 1/16/2013 1:14PM

    Thank you WONDERFUL2BME and ARCHIMEDESII emoticon

ARCHIMEDESII: I'll have to print out that quote from Winnie the Pooh! emoticon I especially like the "listening to all the things you can't hear" part.
there's a lot of wisdom in that.

emoticon to all!

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ARCHIMEDESII 1/16/2013 11:11AM

    I'm a firm believer that stress is a neglected aspect of weight gain. If a person could reduce their stress, they'd automatically reduce their waistline.

My thoughts on stress ? There are things you can control and things you can't. Learning to "let go" is not an easy thing, but you have to have some faith in yourself tat you'll do the right thing. You're not Wonder Woman. There really is only so much you can do. We can't do it all. You have to pick and choose. Set your priorities.

"The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another." - William James.

Then there is the wisdom of Winnie the Pooh.

"Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."


Comment edited on: 1/16/2013 11:11:34 AM

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WONDERFUL2BME 1/16/2013 10:44AM

    I am 57 so I know you have heard this one: I'm okay, you're okay! Don't be so hard on yourself. Nobody has a perfect outlook or life. We are all in this together and that's okay. It is good to have goals and you have lots of them. Just keep peckin away at them! take care.

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FIDDLEMOM 1/15/2013 5:15PM

    Hugs and thanks to everyone!

NewMen2013 - That is such sage advice! I rarely see the things I do get done as the victories they are. I'll work on that. :-)

KaseyCoff - I'll keep an eye out for it. ;-)

Thank you, Brenda_G50 :-)

You all are emoticon

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NEWMEN2013 1/14/2013 7:29AM

    Stress is an every day part of life -- yours, mine, everybody's. Some people blossom under stress while others crumble. The good news is that you have not crumbled (because you are still here) so there is hope that you can blossom. You just need the right motivation and support.
I love Sparkpeople and I've had moderate success here. However, like you I probably don't work the program the way I should. Personally, I tell myself that this is not worth my stress. I have enough problems that I can't resolve by sheer determination so those things that I am in control of are not worth an increase to my stress level. Most of my stress comes from my relationships with family and friends; I have an inexplicable "need" to be "the perfect one" yet I am so far from that! I tend to overextend myself trying to meet everyone else's needs and desires which is very taxing both physically and emotionally. I often think the depression in my bipolar cycle is triggered by this habit. Really, none of this is relevant though because we're talking about you.
Instead of focusing on what you haven't done, try and find the joy in what you HAVE done. You didn't drink "enough" water but did you drink ANY? Did you choose water instead of soda at least once today (or even once this week)? GOOD FOR YOU!!! You didn't get 5 freggies (love that word!) but did you get at least 2? GOOD FOR YOU!!!! You didn't cut your calories as much as you could have or maybe should have, but is your average for the week lower than last week? If so then GOOD FOR YOU!!!
Once you start viewing these experiences as smaller successes instead of bigger failures, it's easier to add accomplishment on top of accomplishment. "TODAY I DID THE BEST I COULD DO TODAY" is really the only goal we all need to strive for, and thank God that we most likely have tomorrow to look forward to and work toward.
Don't know if any of that makes sense or really helps, but just wanted you to know that you are not alone and you have overwhelming worth!

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KASEYCOFF 1/14/2013 6:19AM

    It's on its way, hon...
emoticon

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BRENDA_G50 1/14/2013 2:06AM

    Just do the best you can and remember to take one task at a time, one day at a time. I believe in you... emoticon

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SUZYQ_33 1/14/2013 12:14AM

  Hi Fiddlemom...I can so relate to the everyday life of stresses. I find myself trying to remember to take a deep breath (really!)...a lot! I am still trying to figure the sparkpeople daily things I should be doing and how to enter it but am slowly getting the hang of it. That in itself is reducing the stress of trying to get started . I cant figure out if I should set it daily, weekly or monthly. I keep changing it instead of just leaving it alone.
I am trying to overcome the death of my father. I went into a deep depression over what all happened to him. He had a stroke and they got him mixed up with someone else and didnt even treat him in time and then accidently sent him to a nursing home instead of rehab. He was actually lost and had to be relocated and then finally sent to rehab for stroke victums. It was so horrible my dad just gave up. The nursing care was awful too. I came in and found his call button tied around his neck because they said the clip was missing. I was SO upset. I never left his side after this until he passed away. Slept in a tiny chair for over 2 weeks by his side and watching my mom somehow trying not to loose her mind.
So yes...stress stress stress....I never knew life could get this bad. I gave up.
I quit exercising , just sleep and sit and stay alone. I ate like a pig for comfort. It was the only thing to make me feel better. So weak from just sleeping and sitting and crying about my dad. Anger is eating me up over the way they did my poor dad. Noone should ever have to die like that and be treated like that. I wanted to report it but my mother is barely hanging in here and she could never go thru talking about what they did to my dad. I recorded with my phone pictures and conversations to let someone hear someday about what goes on in these hospitals. Just so much anger right now still.
I finally decided to try to turn things around and try to exercise and eat healthy again because I feel so awful. I mean really awful and weak. It's been 9 months since he passed away and decided if I want to help my dad in bringing what happened out in the open, then I need to get my strength back.
It's so hard. I am starting out trying to walk everyday but it has been raining off and on so I try to find a exercise video to do.
It's hard to stay focused and finding the energy, but then I go to Sparkpeople and hear stories like yours and see everyone has problems too.
I think we should stick with it and stick together and even if its only one thing accomplished, its better than nothing. Its a start.
I find making a list of things I need to do helps me alot. Maybe you can try a list and tackle one thing for the day and scratch thru it. And convince yourself that things will get better.
I will keep you in my prayers and wish you the best. Hang in there! We can overcome if we lean on each other for support sometimes or just venting.
take care
SuzyQ_33

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