Sunday, January 13, 2013
Alright, folks! I decided that enough is enough and I'm ready to lose the rest of this weight that just will not go away. I ordered Insanity online and am starting TOMORROW. The next two months are going to be so tough, but I'm hoping in the end all my hard work will pay off.
I don't know what my problem is lately. I was doing so well for months, and then ever since I got back from my vacation after Thanksgiving it's like I'd have a really good day, and then all of a sudden I would feel overwhelmed by this sudden urge to binge and I'd find myself eating way too much food that is just terrible for me. Binging feels physically comforting the first 5-10 minutes, but then all of a sudden you're way too full and your stomach hurts and your self esteem drops and you're just left feeling awful. Every time I finish I take a mental snapshot of how crappy I'm feeling and say to myself "you see why doing this is bad? Remember how this feels the next time you run to the grocery store to grab junk food!" Still, I've been falling back into the same bad habits with binging and I'm tired of hurting myself and letting myself down.
With that being said, I'm hoping that by changing up my workout routine and tweaking my calorie consumption I'll be able to find success once again. I'm doing the Insanity fit test tomorrow, which I watched through today and MAN it looks exhausting! And to think, it's just a test! The program came with a nutrition guide that is actually pretty helpful, much better than the one that came with Jillian Michaels Body Revolution. It helped me calculate how many calories I should eat to lose weight while on the program and has tons of meal options that are actually realistic for me to make and eat. Nothing too fancy or too expensive, just my style! For a while I had been skipping my midmorning snack, but since I'm upping my calories again I'm going to add that back into the mix. Overall I'll probably eat close to 1600 calories a day, spread out between three meals, two snacks and MAYBE something extra after dinner if I have the calories left to "spend."
Insanity is a lot of cardio and my boyfriend recommended I incorporate a few days of heavy lifting into my routine as well. He also suggested I keep up with running a few days a week, although I'm a little doubtful that I'll be able to find the time + energy to do Insanity on a daily basis + running/lifting! I figure it's worth a shot though, I may also try to wake up and get part of it out of the way in the morning and come home after work and finish up the other half.
I feel like my current plan is really ambitious, but I really don't know any other way. I find that whenever I work out hard I am much more likely to eat clean and avoid binging. I really want to do this, SO badly. I figure I'll have my boyfriend help keep me accountable, other than doing this for myself I have to admit he is a big motivator for me as well. I'm still very happy with him and feel so fortunate to have found such a great guy, and I want to be the very best person I can be for him too.
Time for me to head off to bed so I can rest up for my fresh start tomorrow! I am so motivated right now, I just hope this motivation carries through and stays with me for longer than a day. I've been struggling so much and I'm done struggling, I want to start thriving again. Until tomorrow!