I'm Grounded and the Tale of Jerky Jerkace

Sunday, January 13, 2013

When I was bad when I was a kid, my stepdads always took away TV priveleges as a frontline punishment (and yes that says stepdads- I had a few of em. My mom was always working and never home and didn't care what I looked like. We got closer as I got older, then she got gastric bypass and is a snobby, smaller lady who puts me down because I'm still heavy. But I digress.) Losing priveleges motivated me to do well and to stay out of trouble to avoid losing something I like.

I'm not extrinsicly motivated with goal gifts. If I work out x amount of times to earn a personal trainer, guess what? A special little weight loss fairy is not going to foot the bill. I have to pay for it. One of my goals is to get new boots when I reach a certain goal- I get to buy those, too.

My husband's mother is giving him $1,000 to lose weight this year. Granted, his money is my money, I'm kind of reaping the benefits there. He is so unmotivated though- and I'm happy that she's willing to do this for him.

That being said, I'm not equipped to buy little gifts or treat myself as I lose. I see people with "new wardrobe" and "weekend getaway" for 5,10, or 20-pound weight loss goals. That's awesome, I'm super glad that you're able to treat yourself that way- what a wonderful motivator!!! My circumstances are different, and I'm not able to these kinds of things. No big whoop.
What can I do? I can take stuff away until I learn how to be a good girl.
I'm not punishing myself- I'm earning frivelous things back. Then they'll feel like a reward.
Bass-ackwards? Maybe.

"REWARD" #1- Facebook priveleges back once I complete 10 runs, 5K in length or greater, running >80% of the duration. This could take 10 days or 10 weeks- that's on me.

Future "rewards" to follow.
Facebook eats so much of my time, and it is something I enjoy. After 10 runs, I should be back into the habit and back to enjoying it. It's a win-win. Maybe.

I'm not enjoying this process, dang it.

OH and to make matters worse- Jerky Mcjerkface at karaoke last night- RUINED my night. I shouldn't let it get to me, but it did and has.

Skinny girl with boyfriend, to me: Is it packed tonight? (The singer's queue)
Me: Yep, I've been waiting awhile. It's a lot of fun, really worth it!
Skinny girl to boyfriend: She's been waiting awhile
Boyfriend: I bet she has, let's get out of here. It smells like fat people.

1) I was wearing a dress that was skintight in Spanx 6 months ago that is now loose and can be worn Spanxless
2) I felt really pretty, had gotten a lot of compliments on how good I looked (Read: less fat)
3) What the crap.

Anyway. It's hard to stay positive, as I keep being put down by strangers when I'm working so hard. And it DOES bother me. And it's GOING to bother me. And no amount of "screw him you're better than that" is going to take the sting away. The only thing that will is meeting my goals- except that I'll lose 100 lbs and still be disgusting to this creep.
Why do I care so much?

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Money rewards are crap. The rewards are: knowing certain jeans fit better, not seeing certain bulges when you look in the mirror, when your face looks different in pictures (you don't have to adjust how you show your face), you don't always have to put your hands on your hips to avoid the flap in your arms. Love, you eat right, you count your calories, you can show everyone that you are prettier than them. Both in body and spirit. Keep up the good work. You should be proud of your attitude which is more than what many have done.
    1792 days ago
    Thanks everyone for the kind words. Eff that dude.

    1793 days ago
    I'm guessing that what that guy was really saying wasn't "you're fat" but "I'm so stupid that the only thing I can think of doing to impress this girl I'm with is to put down people that I don't even know."

    I don't really have money for rewards either, but I like to tell myself that things I was planning on buying anyway are rewards. Right now I'm working towards buying a video game that I was planning on buying when it came out anyway with some Christmas money I had already planned to buy it with.
    1794 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/15/2013 7:39:51 PM
    People are dicks. Can I say that on here! Well regardless they are. It's crazy because you get picked on as a child, you get bullied and you think once I grow up these people have to too. Sadly that's not the case. Something has happened to me plenty of times. I remember hiding in the bathroom at homecoming in high school during the slow dance song bc I asked the largest guy to dance with me and he said, "You're too fat for me!" Wow. Really. And I bet you that guy is still the same way.

    I'm glad that you have set goals and rewards regardless of what they are. I know that I'm pretty much in the same boat. The only reason I have any savings is because I worked 2 jobs last year for a while.

    You are doing a great job! And you will get there! Jerky McDickFace can suck it! He probably couldn't sing anyways!
    1794 days ago
    Some people are naturally rude and just to put it plainly jackasses. I remember being told I was fat when I was in my very early twenties and I weighed 120 lbs. and was 5' 8". I know it's hard, but people like that are just idiots! Be glad he wasn't with you. You deserve MUCH BETTER!

    I think whatever you need to do in order to motivate yourself is a good idea. I'd never thought of "grounding" myself from something. However, if I had thought of that when I was losing it would have been riding horses and coffee!

    Last but not least! Get that hubby moving! Maybe you'd better "ground him" from a little something, something until he earns his money. Then, when you are looking all emoticon , charge him $1,000! (Maybe I should do that to get my husband to get moving!!!) emoticon

    Keep at it!
    1795 days ago
    People are insane. When I went to NOLA last summer, I was in line at a bar waiting to get a drink, and a guy turned around and yelled "You're fat!" I weighed 155 lbs. I was shaking from being so upset, especially when I had already lost 155 lbs! It still upsets me to think about it, but you never know what's going on with that person for them to feel entitled to make such hateful comments. I try to be positive and think that maybe that person really regrets what they said. No sense in thinking anything beyond that.
    1795 days ago
    Seriously? I would have replied: "I don't know, I think it smells like a douchebag with a small...' or you know. Just stared at him and given him a death look.

    People like that aren't worth your time. Their words hurt, but just think about how miserable his life is, and how awesome yours is compared to his.
    1795 days ago
    A remark like that hurts and stays with you forever. I remember being introduced by a friend of mind to her the 4 yr old daughter who looked at me and said "She's fat!"
    I have remembered that childish remark for more than 20 years. I went on a diet after that and lost 15 pounds to a size 12. It was horrible , but, a motivator that made me look at myself the way others do. emoticon
    1795 days ago
    You don't know how many nasty looks and rude comments have motivated me along the way. And I will probably never see the folks that made me feel like a waste of air ever again, but yet somehow I still walk and run further to shut them the hell up. I think I am more motivated by people NOT believing in me that having support. I am sorry he said that about you.

    You better tell your hubby to get up and start sweating! Who sits on $1,000?
    1795 days ago
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