Sunday, January 13, 2013
I left work on Friday with lots of plans for Saturday and positive energy. I'd like to say that everything has been great, but by Saturday morning, I was starting to feel the effects of changing my habits. But when I got up Saturday morning, I was just worked up with anxiety and stress. Every television ad is about food, which has definitely triggered cravings for me. When I woke up, all I wanted to do was go back to sleep. Everything seems to be so difficult when it comes to changing my habits, as you all know, and I worry that I'm not strong enough to do this.
So instead of leaving my apartment and doing errands on Saturday, I stayed home, avoided advertisements about food and tried to keep my food under control. I haven't been feeling so great recently either, and I managed to take a couple naps during the day. I'm disappointed that I couldn't face the day head on, but I am proud that I didn't go running to the store or fast food to find bad food for myself. I have struggled with depression for so many years now, and so it was also hard to determine if I was dealing with food addiction, my subconscious fighting against a life change or just another aspect of my depression.
Sunday hasn't been much better. I stopped drinking the tea that I had been trying recently, or more accurately, I ran out. And when I start it again, I'll know if this was adding to my sore throat this past few weeks when I get up in the mornings. I managed to stay eating mostly healthy today, didn't order food or go out to get food from anywhere, because I am worried that I would have given in to my cravings.
It was such a frustrating weekend. I tried to stay positive, looked through my goals, positive quotes but I still was disappointed that I couldn't feel strong enough to get out and be in my life. I'm proud though that today I started to journal my food again and am getting ready for the week ahead. I don't know what the future holds specifically, but I am certain there will be more set backs like this weekend.
So, now I try again, right? Keep at it because I do not have any other choice. Every time I have tried to change my life in the past (more times than I can probably even remember) I usually give up in the first few weeks. But this time I know that my health is in serious risk if I don't make some changes. And I know there is something better out there for me. Right?
Come on Monday...I'm going to be ready for you!