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The F Words

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Okay, So I borrowed the title from PIXIE-LICIOUS but it is so apt today. Her blog was about forgiving her husband for calling her fat and asking for his forgiveness for things that she had said. Then she said wonderful things about her husband.

Her blog sparked something for me. The most important person that I need to forgive is myself. No one else seems to see me as harshly as I see myself. When I look into the mirror I see someone who is huge and gross. This image is assisted by the fact if I look at BMI charts I am morbidly obese.
I really need to look at other factors. Somebody who was bigger than I am once asked me how did I determine if someone was to big. I told her when you can't see all of your private parts without the assistance of a mirror or without having to lift folds of fat out of the way.

Despite the fact that I am "morbidly obese" I can see all of my parts without mirrors or lifting rolls of fat out of the way to see. Further I can still put my feet behind my head. These seem to be incongruous with the term "Morbidly Obese"

Worse I have friends and co-workers who do nothing and are a "healthy weight" yet I can do laps around them. I exercise every day and have even started doing strength training. For someone who thought that the idea of 10 minutes every day was beyond my reach.....I now do at least 30 minutes most days and often more.

This week I have been dealing with the fact that I am my own worst enemy. My negative self-talk is doing me huge amounts of harm. Someone said something to me yesterday that was kind of like a slap in the face for me. He said "i just wish you could believe in yourself like I believe in you!" and that "beauty comes from the inside" The most physically beautiful woman is still ugly if they are ugly on the inside and no matter what the outside appearance the woman who is kind and wonderful on the inside it will radiate to the outside. While I am not ugly I am more average looking with nice skin and pretty eyes.

So this week I WILL work on my negative self talk and on Forgiving myself for my faults and to be more accepting of how I look now. I know that my self esteem will not magically be fixed no matter how much weight I lose so I need to work on my insides as much as my outsides.

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  • SHARON10002
    I can identify with your thoughts on the negative feelings. I too am plagued by them, and to help me change my thoughts so that I can change myself I have devoted the month of February to a series of blogs with the subject Loving Yourself. They are helping me to see things differently and to make myself more aware of where my thoughts are, and where I want them to be. I've been struggling with this for some time now, and it is indeed a process, not something that I've been able to achieve overnight. I believe that forgiveness – of ourselves and others – is not so much something we do, as it is our natural state when we are not holding on to old resentments, pain, and guilt. It is within us because just like innately knowing how to build ourselves back up - we know we are able to forgive others – so why not ourselves? We have to grow forgiveness in ourselves by letting go of these high expectations of ourselves.
    We can do this, I know. . .
    1855 days ago
    Keep a few other F words in mind.... One of them is Fit. You are much fitter than those healthy weight people in your office. You are fit and strong and that overcomes Fat at any point. Also, Friend. That person who told you to believe in yourself is a true friend. I think something should be done about the BMI. I too am morbidly obese and I am strong, fit, and feel bette r than ever. Go figure. Find all the good in you! Fixing the outside will not fix your self-esteem. Try to think of 5 positive qualities you have each day and try to make them different each day. Write them down. Find the beautiful you inside and the outside will follow! Hugs!
    1885 days ago
    I am so proud of you my friend! Look how far you've come! Even though I haven't seen you in forever (at least it seems like it) I am positive that you look great. I totally understand the negative talk. I've gained 46 lbs during my pregnancy and have never look so big before, I'm having hard time loosing weight now, but taking it slow. Like u said "one day at a time" Every time someone compliments me on how good I look I just tell them how huge I feel etc. Well I asked myself not to do it anymore because our thoughts are materialistic. So... positive thoughts = great mind and body! Miss you M! Keep up the amazing work! emoticon
    1890 days ago
    You are so right with all of what you are saying in this blog!
    1892 days ago
    emoticon see youself as you want to be seen
    1892 days ago
    Yea you...
    1893 days ago
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