Sunday, January 13, 2013
Okay, So I borrowed the title from PIXIE-LICIOUS but it is so apt today. Her blog was about forgiving her husband for calling her fat and asking for his forgiveness for things that she had said. Then she said wonderful things about her husband.
Her blog sparked something for me. The most important person that I need to forgive is myself. No one else seems to see me as harshly as I see myself. When I look into the mirror I see someone who is huge and gross. This image is assisted by the fact if I look at BMI charts I am morbidly obese.
I really need to look at other factors. Somebody who was bigger than I am once asked me how did I determine if someone was to big. I told her when you can't see all of your private parts without the assistance of a mirror or without having to lift folds of fat out of the way.
Despite the fact that I am "morbidly obese" I can see all of my parts without mirrors or lifting rolls of fat out of the way to see. Further I can still put my feet behind my head. These seem to be incongruous with the term "Morbidly Obese"
Worse I have friends and co-workers who do nothing and are a "healthy weight" yet I can do laps around them. I exercise every day and have even started doing strength training. For someone who thought that the idea of 10 minutes every day was beyond my reach.....I now do at least 30 minutes most days and often more.
This week I have been dealing with the fact that I am my own worst enemy. My negative self-talk is doing me huge amounts of harm. Someone said something to me yesterday that was kind of like a slap in the face for me. He said "i just wish you could believe in yourself like I believe in you!" and that "beauty comes from the inside" The most physically beautiful woman is still ugly if they are ugly on the inside and no matter what the outside appearance the woman who is kind and wonderful on the inside it will radiate to the outside. While I am not ugly I am more average looking with nice skin and pretty eyes.
So this week I WILL work on my negative self talk and on Forgiving myself for my faults and to be more accepting of how I look now. I know that my self esteem will not magically be fixed no matter how much weight I lose so I need to work on my insides as much as my outsides.
ONE DAY AT A TIME!