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    STEELKICKIN   31,587
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A Little Ramble

Sunday, January 13, 2013

One of my challenges in life has been my illness. Most of you know, I have lupus. I always carry a low-grade fever and deal with muscular and joint aches on a day-to-day basis. I have been on every medication that treats it and have had to discontinue them because of the side effects. I have also used home remedies, herbal therapies, modified my diet, etc., etc., but still have to deal with some very bad days when it just wants to rear its ugly head and make my life, well, hell.

There are times when it not only makes day-to-day activities very difficult and painful, it wears and tears on the spirit as well. I'm not a vain person but I take alot of pride in my appearance. I believe in looking your best even if you're just running to the grocery store for milk. But it would seem this disease doesn't care about that. When the rash appears, it comes with a vengeance. No amount of make-up or creams will cover it. At times, to this day, I still cry when it happens because the little girl inside of me is afraid of being laughed at or shunned.

I cried last week before work when I woke up to the pain, swelling and rash. I was scared. My new coworkers had not seen this side of me. They met me with understanding and compassion. Some even put their arm around me and asked if they could help with some of my responsibilities. That helped. Of course I was stubborn and insisted that I could still function at my normal capacity. And I did. But inside I still die a little bit when this hits me. But I am surviving. I WILL survive.

The rash is now subsiding a little. It seems to have lasted a little longer than normal this time and my eyes are still swollen terribly!

Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your support and understanding. It helps to complain a little, lol. So thank you for listening to that as well. :) I hope that you all are doing well and had a very wonderful weekend. I miss getting on here and aggravating you all like I used to. For some reason "torturing" others makes me feel better, lol. I carry you all in my heart and hold you in my prayers each and every day.

God bless you. I sure do love you.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARINEMAMA 1/30/2013 7:50PM

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SPARKONSKATES 1/20/2013 8:21PM

    awww I'm sorry. I have a friend who has Lupus. Prayers for you. Hugs. I hope your feeling better now and the rash clears up and the new job and coworkers learn to help you through the tough times. emoticon

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SPUNKYDUCKY 1/20/2013 1:39PM

    Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and happy that you are feeling better.

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FAERY_FACE 1/18/2013 4:37AM

    Michelle, all my prayers go out to you. I really hope that in 2013, will will have more good and "feel great" days than there are in the Year! I am really glad that your co-workers are so supportive. emoticon

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SHARON10002 1/17/2013 10:26PM

    Michelle, I am so glad to keep reading about your co-workers, and how they are truly embracing you and all that you are. On the other hand, I am so sorry that you are not feeling well right now. Please know that I am sending you healing vibes as I type this, and will keep you close in thought and in my prayers . . . I do miss seeing you here, and was thrilled to see you were online! Must have been ESP because I was just getting ready to come over and leave you a note and a goodie - which I'll do now!!!! emoticon
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JADOMB 1/15/2013 10:29PM

    emoticon I only wish I could be there when you need that hug or a shoulder to lean on my friend. emoticon I will always keep you in my prayers. God bless and watch over you.

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BKNOCK 1/15/2013 2:41PM

    I am glad that you have support work so much better than that "other" place. I hope that you are soon feeling better and I am glad that you "dropped" by!

Love ya,
B

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STAYCXL-NOMORE 1/15/2013 9:58AM

    Michelle , you are one of the most beautiful woman emoticon I have ever met and guess what I haven't even seen you personally , the lupus makes you who you are inside and out and if a little rash and swollen eyes even tore a piece of that amazing heart you have don't let it cause my friend your beauty is within and every time you talk or even are in the presence of people that know you , I am sure your looks are the last thing they see !! The person inside ... lights your path my friend and that lady is amazing !! Swollen eyes , rash , bone aches and all :)
Love u
Stacey

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WALLAHALLA 1/14/2013 7:26PM

    My heart goes out to you. Too bad wishes can't make it all go away, but I send you a wish and a prayer anyway.
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CMBELISLE 1/14/2013 12:36PM

    emoticon

Any kind of illness that causes chronic pain will just wear on the soul. Just remember that the pain is not who you are. You are doing great!

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GETTINGFIT4HIM 1/14/2013 3:32AM

  Bring it!! LOL!! Whatever helps make you feel better, we can handle it. emoticon

Know that I emoticon you and include you in my prayers.

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BRADMILL2922 1/14/2013 1:14AM

    I think I can speak for many people saying that we sure have missed seeing you around these parts recently :)

With that said, I can't even pretend to know the kind of pain that you deal with on a daily basis or when your illness decides to really kick your butt. I hate to hear that you have to go through any of that stuff but I do hope you get to feeling better really soon!

You have to go through a lot, and I definitely admire your resilience. I know it wears and tears on your spirit but I sure wouldn't know it! You are one of the kindest and sweetest people I have ever known! You are a friend to many here on Spark and you have touched them all with your never-break-uplifting spirit! That's you! That is the Michelle we all know! Trust me when I say that no rash will keep down the kind of beauty you posses in your soul!

So I say, complain, aggravate, and torture away! It just wouldn't be as fun around here if you didn't! Keep your chin up Michelle and remember that you are loved!

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FLEMIDG 1/14/2013 12:18AM

    Hi, Michelle. I have missed you. I am glad you have such a wonderful, supportive group at work. I am sorry to hear you are having so many health issues. You are in my prayers. You are loved a lot. God bless you.
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CARTOONB 1/13/2013 11:18PM

    You definitely made the right choice moving to this job...sounds like your new coworkers are the kind of people you want to be around. Hope you start feeling better and the outbreaks are few and far between.

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AJDOVER1 1/13/2013 10:12PM

    Never feel that you're alone. We may have different struggles, but we share this journey one step at a time.
luvu!

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KING_SLAYER 1/13/2013 9:59PM

    I'm sure you know the saying "God only gives us what He knows we can handle". But I'm sure that you're like me in wishing He didn't have so much trust in how much we could handle! Would be nice to get a respite from both the seen and the unseen weights that we must carry. They surely do take their toll. I hope you are feeling much better soon :)

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LMB-ESQ 1/13/2013 7:34PM

    emoticon People sure can step up when you need them to, don't they?

Comment edited on: 1/13/2013 7:35:10 PM

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CELESTE_B 1/13/2013 7:24PM

    Very Big hug to you!



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KONRAD695 1/13/2013 6:29PM

    Last October I remember a little rough patch where I had sent you some candles, and said I would light on for you that night. We're on candle number 7 or 8 now, but I still light it every night. A few people have borrowed it, and Lord knows I've been using it a lot lately. Tonight I'll make sure you get it back.
I believe it is Christmas Wreath scent. It's got to be hard, but hang tough. I'll send you all the extra energy I can. emoticon

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GEEMAWEST 1/13/2013 5:32PM

    I really do understand how you feel. When I first got the 'butterfly' face rash about 12 years ago I was so embarrassed to even go to the pharmacy to get the medication. I felt like everyone was looking at me and wondering what was wrong with me. I am so happy that your coworkers were understanding. There is nothing wrong with letting someone help you with some of your work. In fact, it takes a strong person to accept help.

Hugs emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IAM_HIS2 1/13/2013 5:32PM

    Michelle, I truly feel your pain. I do not have lupus, however, I have RA, fibromyaglia and MS. There are days when I cannot walk and I see my feet and hands twisting from the RA and so much nerve pain from the fibromyalgia. Your quality of life is affected and I feel less independent. I have found following an anti-inflammatory diet helps.

I hope you check out the Fighting Inflammation & Enjoying Your Life! team for the foo list. It really does help.

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LYNNA1968 1/13/2013 5:03PM

    LOL torture away!!! I wish there was magic cure to make you feel better, its reassuring to know that you work with people that will help you out. Feel better and stay strong!!!!

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LUNADRAGON 1/13/2013 4:55PM

    Thinking of you. Bravo!
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KATRINAKAT23 1/13/2013 3:34PM

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Comment edited on: 1/13/2013 3:35:40 PM

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