Sunday, January 13, 2013
Right now, I am preparing to go through another divorce. My first one was so very long ago that I only remember bits and pieces. I do remember that it got nasty and I don't want this one to go the same way.
Most of my stress this time involves feeling lonely and alone. This isn't a new feeling. In fact, for the last few years of my marriage, I spent a great deal of time alone. It was different in that I knew my husband would eventually come home. That isn't the case now, nor will it ever be again. I don't think I miss my husband so much, but I do miss his presence. I miss feeling married. It's at these times that I want to wallow a little bit in self-pity, cry, think that at this stage of my life there won't be anyone to grow old with. I suppose I'm mourning.
When this happens, I have to remember that it's OK to feel this way. I have to allow myself to mourn and not just stuff the feelings down. Doing that just led to overeating in the past. Not something I want to happen again. I try to remember that there are people in my life who matter to me and I matter to them. I just need to remember to call them when I need to. I've always been so stoical before, hiding everything that I feel. That is one of the lifestyle changes that I need to make. I have to open up to people so that, while I may be lonely at times, I will never be alone if I don't want to be.