If you aren't familiar with race lingo, a PR is a Personal Record. PB, well that could only mean Personal Best. Yesterday was my much anticipated Resolution Run 5k. I was anxious coming up to the race because I just knew I was going to PR. I had PR'd at the Commitment Day 5k just 11 days before, but it wasn't chip timed so the results were not "official". The route for the Resolution Run is one I have done many times, on a trail that is my personal favorite. I replaced my old worn down Asics 2170s with a brand new pair. My husband, our daughter, and my friend were going to be there to cheer me on. Everything was in place to PR. How could I not? I was ready to fly like the wind.
Well.... I did not. 44:11 was the official time, although I am going to have to debate that the time is at least off by 15-20 seconds. This same race had chip time issues last year. I won't be running another race timed by TriTexasEvents. Regardless of the discrepancy, I still wouldn't have been under 43:13. Unbelievable how less than a minute can mean so much or how incredibly difficult running just less than a minute faster can be.
To say that I was disappointed would be an understatement. I felt momentarily depressed. I really thought I could do it, but while I was running I found myself unable to focus. I tried repeating a mantra, keeping a pace beat, mentally motivating and cheering myself on. I tried to will my legs to move faster, but they just wouldn't. I felt defeated. I have trained myself to be slow :/
As we walked to the car I reminded myself, 44:11 is a much faster pace than I have while lying in bed sleeping on a Saturday morning at 8am. I have lost 9 lbs since the start of the year. I have run/walked over 16 miles this year. I have kept my commitment to be free of alcohol, to follow the 17 Day Diet, and to run at least 1 race a month. That is a Personal Best. How could I feel defeated by these stats? I am on track to beat obesity this year and I WILL. I may not PR every race or lose weight every week, but through the ins and outs, by the time we ring in 2014 I WILL NO LONGER BE OBESE. That is my commitment to myself, my family, and God and if nothing else happens this year, that will. 9lbs/79lbs
My husband's birthday is on Tuesday. Our daughter had a sleepover party at her friend's house yesterday. My husband wanted to go out. He wanted to go dancing. I hate going dancing because I can only go one song before my feet hurt from my high heels and I am winded. I was frightened also because I have never been "out" without drinking. Instead of heading to a club, we actually ended up at a Quince. About 20 minutes after we arrived, my husband wanted to dance. We were in a tent full of people I didn't know and noone was on the dance floor. MORTIFIED!!! It was his birthday recognition so I had to agree.
We got out on the floor and more people joined in. One song passed, then another, then another... Off and on last night we must have danced a combined 60-90 minutes. My husband was so elated. He said it was the best time he has ever had. He also said something that was a bit eye opening.... "I FINALLY feel like you are my wife! You never dance with me and I love to dance. I finally feel happy." Now English is his second language and if I was being defensive I could have spun this to something ugly, but what he was trying to say was that he felt we were finally complete, that he had something he desired from his wife... a dance partner. He loves to dance but I have always been too self conscious because of my weight and too out of shape to dance more than 1 or 2 songs in one night.
Weight can leave holes in relationships. Although I didn't set a PR yesterday during my race, I set a PB last night on the dance floor. I am fit enough to dance as many songs as my husband would like and that is no small feet because the man doesn't rock back and forth, he dances like the floor is a small race track; we must have lapped that things a thousand times. Sometimes we can let our weight leave big open spaces in our lives; dancing is no longer a hole in ours. Its been bricked up and laid over in gold.