It's all too much...
Sunday, January 13, 2013
I'm sitting here at 3:46am, and just read Pixie-licious' blog about the F-word and how she didn't give in to the desire to stuff all her emotions under a binge. AS I'M READING IT, I'm wondering to myself...what kind of chocolate do I have in the cupboard? I'm dealing with so much hurt in my family right now, from church, school and friends, and it sometimes it just hits me that it's all too much.
The good news is that as soon as I had that thought, I came right here, to blog and to track. It's so easy to quit, to say it's too much right now, it doesn't really matter, I'm never going to succeed. I may as well just eat.
But I'm not going to do that. I did have some baked Tostitos and salsa, and prior to that it wasn't my best eating day, but that's okay. I'm NOT lookin for perfection. It is NOT about all or nothing as it has always been for me in the past. Have I made some good choices today? Yes. There. That's what matters. The rest of it will work itself out (or get worked out thanks to confronting...in love!). But I will be better able to deal with all of it and love my kids through it if I feel good about myself. And when I make even 1 good choice...I actually feel kinda proud. Maybe that's a sign of all the poor choices I've been making up til now, but tonight...I'm okay.
Of course these positive feelings could be gone by tomorrow, but if they are, I'll be right back here.