Sunday, January 13, 2013
D-Day stands for departure day. Today was the day I moved out of the apartment I shared with my husband, got in his parents vehicle, and drove away. I've been imagining this day for several days now trying to force myself to adjust to the reality of it before it actually happened to ease the transition. I think it helped. I really only broke down and cried a few times today. Once when I laid eyes on my mother-in-law (I'll explain why later), once when I told her the full story (which I knew my husband had not told her but said it was okay for me to), and once when I reached my destination (my husband's aunt's house) and his aunt broke down when she saw me.
My in-laws are so awesome, they are my life-savers. My own sister and mother refused to give me any assistance when I reached out to them. For the past four days they have actually stopped communicating with me at all. I'm not sure why my sister is upset with me. She stopped taking my calls last spring. I don't know what caused it. Our father had a stroke this summer and I was unable to help with that situation and I think she resents me because of it. Until she decides to communicate with me I can only speculate. My mother and I had a nasty argument on the phone just before my dad's stroke and hadn't spoken since. I know I said things that hurt her. I don't believe her hurt feelings justify refusing to help her daughter though. I said to her many times, "I need my Mom" and I did. The little girl inside me just wanted to be wrapped in her arms and held the way only a mother can. Many miles separate us so this was not possible. We talked only in emails and in place of comforting, supportive words she raked me over the coals by rehashing our argument and letting me know just what a terrible person I was. Tonight though, after I arrived here and was officially no longer her problem, she did finally offer some supportive encouragement through texts and I do greatly appreciate all she said. I told her that I loved her and that I hoped someday she would speak to me again and she said that she still needed time to heal. *sigh*
This is why when I answered the door and looked my mother-in-law in the eye I got very choked up. This woman who has only known me for eight years has been more of a mom to me than my own. She was willing to open her home to me, crowded that it is, and let me stay there as long as I needed. She and my father-in-law drove six hours round trip to go pick me and all my stuff up. They're negotiating getting me a vehicle so I can seek employment and even cross the many miles to visit my ailing father. She listened to me when I had no one else to talk to. She encourages me and believes in me and tells me that I will always be part of her family. She's been through hell herself and is now guiding me through my own. I am forever indebted to her and all of my in-laws.
Now that I am here I feel like I can finally breathe. The weight that had settled on my heart while I still had to sleep next to my husband and share a cramped apartment with the man who broke my heart has shrunken considerably. I have a long road ahead of me before I can fully stand on my own two feet but thankfully I have a wonderful family to lean on. I finally feel hope and optimism. I was ready to give up a week ago, I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. Now I know that everything is gonna be alright.