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Social Eating and Parental Relationships

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Today I ate food I didn't really want. My dad wanted to take us out to eat, and I wanted to spend time with everyone, and I certainly didn't want to have to cook for everyone myself. So we ended up at an Italian restaurant and I had an eggplant parm sub. The waitress asked me if I wanted fries or onion rings, and I said no, but she brought the plate with potato chips. *sigh* I ate them, naturally. So I ate most of the admittedly delicious sub. Dad wanted to get ice cream and syrups at the grocery store and come back to my house and make sundaes. I had to draw the line...not gonna have that hanging out in my freezer all week calling my name. I told him how serious I am about not wanting fattening foods that tempt me, he knows I am morbidly obese..... he went on in great detail rhapsodizing about this great ice cream he wanted to get, how delic and wonderful. My daughter and I were mystified...I said "Good thing I'm not on a diet or that could really wreck it." And he still didn't take the hint. He has always been skinny and he wants an eating partner. Well, we did not get ice cream. But he was as disappointed as my eleven year old son! We came back to my house and everyone had a sweet juicy orange. But I am going to have to limit my time with him (my dad) if he wants to make it all about eating. I know we are all adjusting after Mom, but I have to put my health first. Eating is such a social activity but I have to redefine how I eat and how I let my dad get under my skin. Dad doesn't like to eat alone, but I don't like to be knocked off my game--and his needs are no more important than mine. In fact, mine is a serious medical/physical need (remember the "morbid" part in morbidly obese?) and I owe it to myself and my own children to keep it on the front burner. But I felt guilty and like I was being manipulated. How can a "nice" offer like "let me take you out to dinner and buy you ice cream" feel so manipulative and undermining? ---i guess in some ways childhood never really ends. At least now I am taking control and see the pattern in time to change it.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARIANNE9855 2/9/2013 11:17PM

    family gives us such mixed messages- my mom was always heavier so from the time I was a little girl she gave me messages about not eating too much- don't wear that its not flattering- pull that down over your butt. As I got older it was looking at clothes and saying that would be nice if you just lost 10 pounds- then wanting to go to Friendlys for ice cream sundaes. When I look back I was a girl with a big butt but not really fat but those constant messages made me feel fat until I really got fat.
Now she is happy I am working on getting healthy but so much of what she says and does makes it really hard for me.

I might talk to your dad and say I need to plan my food better- I love that you take us out but I need to know there is something healthy for me to eat and maybe get ice cream once in a while if you have planned for it before or sit with coffee or another drink while he eats his. Maybe you could have some WWs treats in your freezer he could have. My kids have no problem eating up mine if I buy them for me. emoticon

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CMRAND54 1/13/2013 6:12PM

    Good blog. I guess your Dad still wants to feed you like he did when you were a child. You are right to resist him. Your health is important, too.

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JUSTDOINGIT101 1/13/2013 1:14PM

    Maybe you could start new social habits with him, like getting together and going for a walk. It takes some training to learn to feed our heads and our minds together instead of our stomaches.

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GOLFGMA 1/13/2013 7:56AM

    If you have not already done this , I would suggest having a one on one talk with your Dad and explain how serious you are about changing your lifestyle and the reasons behind it since it is a serious issue. If this doesn't work prove to him how serious by going along and ordering water or go outside for a walk while they have the ice cream. Don't give up Dad! emoticon

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JSTETSER 1/13/2013 5:56AM

    I almost always eat what my mother sets in front of me. She is 90, and it gives her pleasure to see me eat her food. I'm hoping that I don't do the same thing to my kids.

http://www.sparkpeople
.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?
id=JSTETSER

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KASEYCOFF 1/13/2013 5:04AM

    That is a tough place to be. I'd find it easier to say "No" and resist the temptation if a peer was offering it, than I would if a parent was offering it.

There are workarounds, none of them easy and most of them requiring massive willpower. You can find a way. Just a shame it has to be difficult, tho!
emoticon

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FUTURETXNURSE 1/12/2013 9:28PM

    Sometimes the people we love the most are the ones who can sabotage us the most (or maybe they are the ones who push our buttons, and we sabotage ourselves.) Either way, good for you for sticking to your program, and not letting your Dad derail you. Maybe next time you spend time together, you could pick a restaurant you know has healthy options, and then it would be less stressful for you.
Hope you have a great week. Thanks for visiting my blog, and leaving such nice comments. I'm here to encourage you, too!
- Monica
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IUHRYTR 1/12/2013 8:45PM

    Good for you for sticking to your guns and not giving in (except for the chips). Don't allow others to derail you from reaching your goal. emoticon -- Lou

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FLAMENM 1/12/2013 8:16PM

    Is it that childhood never ends? Or that everyone wants things done their way?

Sometimes you have to weight the true costs of everything. You wanted to see everyone. You didn't want to cook. So what option for that food did it leave other than eating out?

What if you hadn't eaten the chips? Just left them there?

What if you had gone out and just gotten your dad a sundae? And you had the orange?

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