I posted about my issues with depression and anxiety because I want to set the example. It's ok to talk about it. While there is indeed a fine line between too much information and honesty, there is a tendency for those who struggle to hide and put up a false front. That never solves the problem, action and dialogue does.
It has been difficult to get back on my feet and back to my routine but I'm ok with the slow turn around. Things have improved in spite of the anxiety triggers at work, specifically the spectre of another mass layoff at work...again. Too many bad memories brought back of fruitless job hunts, wondering why I am not good enough to find a job, financial fears, late notices.. they all come back to me every time I hear the news that it is going to happen, even if it is a temporary shut down. They always start as a "temporary shutdown". How many other hard working, Blue Collar men have heard the same things only to see their future collapse? To see the gates locked, to know that the life they knew is now over.
Hey, that's life and this journey is for life. Just because you lose alot of weight and do some epic things doesn't mean that the hard times wont come. This is just another marathon. I coped with "hitting the wall", I saw it through. I had the courage to start and the will to finish. There was uncertainty, worry, struggle, and coping with mistakes made early on that I paid dearly for after the 13 mile mark. This is my emotional marathon and it is time to come through victorious. My Valley Of Elah where I will face my Goliath. While nothing is certain, I have 5 smooth stones in my pocket, a sling in my hand, and a target.
Nothing has happened yet. I need to treat it as such. I have had to stop and force myself to focus on the present and deep breathe. Doing that really helps lower my heart rate and I did manage to hold off the panic. This is a real coping skill and I am now doing it on a regular basis. My fitness is more for rehab and feeling good as opposed to the usual push hard and find your limits sort of stuff that I am so fond of. This is one of those times that I am leading myself beside the still waters rather than trying to beat myself into submission.
There will be those times for hard effort but exercise needs to be regarded as a place to go when you are not strong. When you run to exercise and not to food, you have already won. 100% effort is not just a number. At my very best I may have been able to leg press over 400 pounds but if I do half that with the mental load I am under, that is my 100%. The mental side of things plays a big role on how well I do physically and sometimes 100% effort is gauged by what it took to even get through the front door of the gym.
we must never be tied to a number but rather recognize that 100% manifests itself in many ways and should be recognized for what it is.
Today, I gave it 100%.
How about you? Are you struggling? Go do something, anything, and feel the sense of accomplishment of a job well done and I will do the same...
Link To My Public Blog... mailboxes2miles.blogspot