Saturday, January 12, 2013
Ok , since the New year and reflecting and all that , I will admit things have been a struggle, make goals, dont keep them , stress out because I havent kept what I said I was going to do, plan to excercise, stress out because I dont follow through , plan healthy meals, doesnt happen stress out because I didnt follow through with that, ,, wow do we see a pattern here??
So lets see I tried to get back to a point where I was happy, that was when I was involved with Weight Watchers, well I cant afford to go to meetings so do the next best thing go to WW online, no problem right?? WRONG!!!!!! It made me more frustrated , and then my pal stressor comes along for the ride, why was I frustrated??
Because I want to go to meetings and due to circumstances I cant and its something I cant control , which is finance , so I get angry , frustrated, nothing is good enough !!!
So here I am stressing about things I cant control , and loosing control of what I can control following me so far ? God I hope so!!!
The past two weeks have been a stressor, I am trying to take care of myself, my darling husband had four stressing things happen , not my stress his stress , but of course I carry all that on my shoulders and trust me I can feel it physically there is a literal physical pain on my shoulders,
Ok,, so where am I going, with all of this , I know yall are wondering about this.
No program is going to make me happy , I need to make me happy,
I am identifying my stressors, before that was always cloudy but now I am seeing what my stress is,
So back to focusing things I can do , ,, Spark people is my outlet, my writing is my outlet, my spark family here is my outlet,
My weight still bothers me and I want to change that shows I have not given up my battle ,
I am learning how to maneuver in these trying circumstances there is always a plan for me not for a million other people but for me!!!
I am writing it down in my journal what my goals are small goals, pretty much back to 28 plan fast break of spark , and re learn and re educate and make the time for it!!! No more saying I dont have time ,
So here I am , ready, willing , not giving up by all means, re strategizing, learning how to manage my stress and continue to remind myself I cant fix everything , i need to fix myself which I can do , I cant make other people comfortable and carry their stress anymore when here I am dying inside .
Making this acknowledgment is emotional and hard for me I love my husband more than my life , but I cant fix things I cant do anything about , I am responsible for my own joy.
So here are my new fast break goals I am sharing with you.
1. Track calories eaten each day
2. Strech for five min a day
3. Read a motivating story or book each day
There you are friends its all out there , Im not perfect I will make mistakes but its up to me to be accountable to myself and th rough this maybe I will h elp others.