BLC Goal - Reconciliation
Saturday, January 12, 2013
For someone who has lost weight, a challenge that I'm facing is making the connection of what my mind perceives and what is reality. My mind perceives my body at 215#. The reality is I'm 78# less than that. I'm really struggling with that body image. Someone came up to me yesterday and said how awesome it must be to be so thin and that I'm doing a good job of keeping it off. I said thank you but, afterwards I struggled. I struggle with getting compliments like that because in my mind, I'm still obese and still need to lose weight. I'm not thin enough! Does that make sense?
I don't have too many full body pictures of me when I was at my highest weight. But, I came across this photo this morning.
When I compare myself to what I was to what I am now,
I still have a hard time coming to terms with my weight loss and reconciling what I was to what I am now. That is one of my goals for BLC (besides losing those last 10#). I need to learn to celebrate who I am now but, in a way to mourn the loss of the person I was.
And maybe that is what this journey, for me, is all about. Mourning the person that allowed herself to gain the weight that I did. I didn't love myself very much at that point. I guess, I know what my next blog post will be about.
Have a wonderful Saturday!