Saturday, January 12, 2013
I thought it was my imagination, but now, I know it's not. For the past 3-4 months I've been so unhappy with my job situation it seemed my life slowed down to nothing. No concrete goals, no drive, no motivation. When I got the job offer this week it was like a light went off inside of me that said "GO". Suddenly, I had energy to go and do. A desire to be outside walking, moving and breathing.
How many times are we motivated and governed by the external forces we see around us rather than internal. In psychology, it's called the locus of control. I used to think for me it was all internal, but this has shown me otherwise. There is a world out there that has a tremendous impact on my emotions and life.
Being freed from the things that were dragging me down in my work life; and that is so much of my life anyway, was like a 10 ton weight being lifted from my shoulders and lungs. Freedom felt sweet. Freedom felt empowering. I was outside yesterday on a small wall by my building enjoying the warm breeze and sunshine when a truck came by and two guys (my kid's age!!) honked and waved out the window at me. For the first time, I didn't feel like it was threat - I smiled and enjoyed the attention for what it was. There was no fear, no cringing and wanting to hide myself from notice. Being free again. It's sweet.
The weight is coming down - 5 pounds this week. I should be able to move my ticker this week down more. I made a video to play when I use my stair machine and took of on it last night and could have gone for longer but decided not to so I wouldn't have major muscle revolting today. The endorphins start coming back. Freedom again.
I start my new job in 2 weeks. Same place, different boss, different and new responsibilities. I have a month of training, then testing, then I dig in to the data. I see it as keeping the best of both worlds. I don't leave the good people at this hospital that I have worked with for so many years and I stretch myself and step up to a challenge of new and exciting. Freedom to spread my wings again and prove that I CAN do it. That I AM capable.