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The best F word is Forgiveness


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Saturday, January 12, 2013



Today is day 15 of my current "on track" streak!

On Thursday, I blogged about my hubby calling me "fat" during an argument, and I got a lot of replies to that blog. Lots of great advice and caring, so thank you to everyone who responded.

I just want to say that my hubby is a great guy. For him to call me "fat" or any other derogatory name is completely out of character for him. He has always been my number one fan, and he has done so much to teach me to love myself.

Before I met him, I had the worlds lowest self esteem. My whole life, I had been abused, physically and verbally....by my parents, by the bullies at school, and by my first husband. The cruel things that they said and did to me just about completely destroyed my soul. As a child and teen, I would starve myself, or binge and purge. I was very thin.

As an adult, I went the opposite direction...I would just eat, and eat, and eat. I think I was trying to stuff all the pain down. My first husband would say things like "I'm embarrassed to be seen in public with a fatty like you." Or "I'm too good looking to be married to you." Those words would devastate me, and I would comfort myself with food. And then I would feel shame, because all that food was just making me fatter and fatter. And so to comfort myself, I would eat more. It was a terrible cycle that I couldn't stop. I would have times when I would "go on a diet" and I would lose some weight. But then my first husband would say something mean about my weight or looks, and I would be back to my old habits, and the weight would come right back on.




Even after my first husband died, I could still hear his cruel words. I felt in my heart that he was right. I was just a fatty, and I didn't deserve love. But then, two years later, I met D. He was handsome, in shape...and ten years younger than me! He was so funny and had such a zest for life. We became friends, and I developed a huge crush on him. I tried to hide it though...I thought "He would just laugh if he knew a fat old woman had feelings for him." Isn't that sad? I was only 35 years old but I thought I was an old woman! I had given up on myself.



Eventually, we ended up as more than friends. He never mentioned my weight, but I often wondered if he was embarrassed by me because I was so much bigger than him. Then in 2005, when I was 44, we were on vacation in Florida. We decided to spend the day in Saint Augustine, walking through the city. It was so HOT that day, in the high 90's. I weighed 260 lbs, and the heat got to me. I tried to keep going, but the heat was too intense, and before long I was panting, sweating and having to sit down every few minutes because I thought I was going to faint. Finally, hubby told me to wait right where I was, and he went and got the car and came back to pick me up. I was so embarrassed and ashamed! I kept expecting him to start insulting me, as my first husband would have. But when he finally spoke, he said "I love you....but you are killing yourself. You have to lose the weight, because I can't live without you."

No one had ever said anything so loving to me before! But it was just what I needed. I ended up joining Curves and watching what I ate. I became a vegetarian. I ultimately lost 86 lbs. But then, some bad things happened in our lives, and I became depressed. I gained the weight back....and more. Hubby never said anything mean to me about it, but he did express his concern. But I was too depressed to care. I could see how sad and worried he was about my weight, but by the time I DID start to care, I was just too overwhelmed to even think about losing it again. I'd gained so much! My previous highest weight had been 260, but now I was up to 286. It just seemed like an impossible amount to lose.

But finally, last March, I decided to get started. Instead of thinking about the huge number of pounds I would have to lose, I decided to focus on my health, and on non-scale victories. I got my starting weigh in, and after that I just starting doing my best every day to get healthy. I quit Curves, and started to workout out at home instead. And my hubby was there for me every step of the way. If I wasn't feeling motivated to workout, he would workout with me. If I didn't want to fix myself something healthy to eat, he would fix it for me. He would compliment my every little effort, and he made it a point to notice every bit of progress I made. And I finally realized that I needed to really love myself. It doesn't matter what my parents said, or what those bullies in school said, or what my first husband said. Their opinions didn't have to be my reality anymore!




With my hubby's encouragement, help and support, I kept working out and eating right. I have made so much progress since March, and he has been there to cheer me on every single day. And he has always loved me, no matter what the scale said.

So back to my Thursday blog, the one about our argument and him calling me fat. We have talked it out, and everything is fine between us. He has promised to never call me that word again...and I had to make a promise too. I'm not Miss Innocent in this. I said some pretty rotten things to him too, and I have promised not to say those things again. Of course, either of us might slip up in the heat of the moment, but we both love each other enough to TRY our hardest not to let it happen.

The best F word is Forgiveness.

Dedicated to the best hubby ever!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=
NcbAibPA2yY


(This is "our song.")
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
DIANNEMT 1/13/2013 2:18PM

    Wonderful--what a glowing tribute to your hubby!!

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GIRLINMOTION 1/13/2013 2:17PM

    Yes we can say hurtful things in the heat of the moment. I am glad everything is working out for you and that you do have a great support system.

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JIBBIE49 1/13/2013 2:04PM

    Glad to see you again in the Spark Mail.

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LTMURPHY7 1/13/2013 1:52PM

  emoticon



You're a great couple

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MOMOSG 1/13/2013 1:46PM

    That is such a beautiful story to hear. Congratulations to the both of you for loving each other enough to struggle through your problems and come out successful. You are very fortunate to have each other!

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LEMJFOSTER 1/13/2013 1:44PM

  Hooray for you and your husband!!

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BONIFIANT 1/13/2013 1:42PM

    Seems to me that you are learning the true meaning of real love, both for yourself and others. I applaud you. Thanks for your willingness to be transparent.

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WEGENERCS 1/13/2013 1:37PM

    After 40 years of marriage, I can tell you that forgiveness and mutual respect plays a huge role in love. Many people never learn that and then wonder what happened. You are commended! Wishing you many, many happy years.

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CANDOSUE52 1/13/2013 1:32PM

   

What a wonderful blog. Thank you for sharing!

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WALLINMW 1/13/2013 1:24PM

  Keep keeping on!

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KACEYSW 1/13/2013 1:18PM

    Forgiveness is one of the hardest words to use, but I have to forgive for myself, not for the other person. I am the only person I can change. Thank you for sharing so deeply. I needed that.

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BRYDER21 1/13/2013 1:18PM

    Way to go! emoticon

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1TERRY7 1/13/2013 1:07PM

    We all need to give and receive forgivenss! Thank youy for your blog. emoticon

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TEDIEBEAR1 1/13/2013 1:04PM

    Going through all of that and still getting back up to try again is still...Fantastic!! Congrats on the featured blog!

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RONNIEHUEY 1/13/2013 12:58PM

    emoticon

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GOOSIEMOON 1/13/2013 12:40PM

    emoticon

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MYHOPEFORHEALTH 1/13/2013 12:27PM

  Very moving story, thank you for sharing such a personal message and congrats on all your victories :)

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IRISHGIRL3 1/13/2013 12:14PM

    I'm glad you two were able to talk it out instead of almost avoiding it with "I'm sorry" and then trying to move on like it never happened. :)



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NADINEL 1/13/2013 12:04PM

    Pixie, you have said wonderful things about your husband in the past, so I know he's a good guy. You are truly blessed.
There are - surprisingly - a lot of similarities in our backgrounds, except I haven't met my knight in shining armor yet. Perhaps someday. I am still learning to forgive myself and love myself. (((HUGS)))

Comment edited on: 1/13/2013 12:05:18 PM

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BARTHPEPPER 1/13/2013 12:02PM

  Great blog and congratulations on finding someone who loves you thru the highs and lows in life.

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NITTINNANA 1/13/2013 11:47AM

    A special blog from a special lady!

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MIKKI7771 1/13/2013 11:42AM

    All I have to say is Metallica......awesome. I love that song "Nothing Else Matters" and to the bullies in your life....another from Metallica..."Don't Tread on Me.

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SPUD3193 1/13/2013 11:42AM

    emoticon

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JULIE700 1/13/2013 11:38AM

    emoticon

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ISHCAN 1/13/2013 11:33AM

    What a great blog. You're so lucky to have a husband who is so wonderfully encouraging and supportive of your weight loss efforts.

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LOVEMYBODY2012 1/13/2013 11:26AM

    I learned something about my beliefs as I read this blog. I had no difficulty believing a husband could call you fat but great difficulty believing a husband could be so loving and supportive. Thanks for sharing this and opening my mind to the possibility of kindness.

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ENLIGHTENED7 1/13/2013 11:19AM

  It seems as if the shoe really fits, Cinderella! Hope you have MANY wonderful years with that charming prince!

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NOTSOFLUFFYDAD 1/13/2013 11:18AM

    emoticon

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TINY67 1/13/2013 11:18AM

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CHRISBEM 1/13/2013 11:18AM

    It is so wonderful that you have found someone who is overall supportive of your endeavour. We all need someone like that

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GEMLADYONE 1/13/2013 11:17AM

    Thanks for sharing...sounds like you are very lucky to have him, and thanks for reminding me about the most important "f" word.

I too have a super supportive hubby, but I always need to remember...even though it helps to have support, I have to be doing this primarily for me, not for him. I can't tie my desire to be healthier to someone else...to be successful in the long term, it's all about changing how we think and being in control, and I can only control me, not someone else.
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NIKKIJ55 1/13/2013 11:16AM

    emoticon emoticon

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IAMAGEMLOVER 1/13/2013 11:16AM

    Thanks for sharing Pixie. You are very lucky to have found someone so loving, and he is lucky to have found you. Hang onto each other. I know of only one other couple so in love after 15 years of marriage. My brother and SIL. I seem to find the losers and have given up.

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SCOUTMOM715 1/13/2013 11:14AM

    emoticon Thanks for sharing your story! emoticon

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BRENDA_G50 1/13/2013 11:08AM

    It sounds like you found the "Perfect Man", by that I mean one who will love you and stand by you no matter what. Glad you worked things out because we all have said things we really don't mean in a heated argument. I listened to (your song) and even though I have never listened to Metallica before, this was a nice song that points out that what other people say about you doesn't matter as long as you have love and forgiveness in your heart. B-T-W, I love the sayings you always post.

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Comment edited on: 1/13/2013 11:09:59 AM

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TIME2BLOOM4ME 1/13/2013 11:06AM

    emoticon

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JT_GMOTU 1/13/2013 11:06AM

    It's great that you can both deal with the ups and downs TOGETHER, I also had an ex who was verbally vicious. and lucky for me I now have a wonderful guy who is very supportive of my health journey. It doesn't mean either of us are "perfect"...but we're able to bring out the best in each other.

Thanks for sharing this event...

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MOMMY445 1/13/2013 11:05AM

    that is such a beautiful love story,Pixie! i am very happy that you found someone who loves you just the way you are and for who you are. have a wonderful day!

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NEPTUNE1939 1/13/2013 11:02AM

    emoticon

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TERMITEMOM 1/13/2013 10:54AM

    Pixie, you are awesome! I am so glad things are better. You and hubby are such a wonderful pair!

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CICELY360 1/13/2013 10:42AM

  good blog

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JERICHO1991 1/13/2013 10:31AM

    Forgiveness is a wonderful act. Thanks for putting your previous blog in perspective, and remembering all the blessings your husband is for you.

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EVER-HOPEFUL 1/13/2013 10:29AM

    i am so pleased you seem to have got the partner you deserve love,sorry couldnīt get the link over here.hold on to him love i think you are both very lucky to have one another.keep on keeping on you are doing great. emoticon

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TEACHFIRST268 1/13/2013 10:27AM

    I didn't see your first blog, but can infer from your follow up. Thank you for sharing your story and for your honesty. We are all real people working toward healthy goals dealing with real life challenges.

You ARE worth it and I wish you much success!

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KAYYAK1 1/13/2013 10:25AM

  You sure know how to make me think.Thanks

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NATASHIA41 1/13/2013 10:24AM

    emoticon

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JUNETTA2002 1/13/2013 10:21AM

    I'm glad that you talked it out. Sometimes things are said in the heat of the moment without thinking.

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INGMARIE 1/13/2013 10:21AM

    emoticon Thanks for sharing.


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CHERRY666 1/13/2013 10:20AM

    Great blog! Thank you for sharing!

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TEACHING1ST 1/13/2013 10:20AM

    What an inspiration this blog is, too! So glad to know things are fine...another great F word!! Thanks for sharing your story, one of enduring love and great encouragement.

Mary

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