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The best F word is Forgiveness


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Saturday, January 12, 2013



Today is day 15 of my current "on track" streak!

On Thursday, I blogged about my hubby calling me "fat" during an argument, and I got a lot of replies to that blog. Lots of great advice and caring, so thank you to everyone who responded.

I just want to say that my hubby is a great guy. For him to call me "fat" or any other derogatory name is completely out of character for him. He has always been my number one fan, and he has done so much to teach me to love myself.

Before I met him, I had the worlds lowest self esteem. My whole life, I had been abused, physically and verbally....by my parents, by the bullies at school, and by my first husband. The cruel things that they said and did to me just about completely destroyed my soul. As a child and teen, I would starve myself, or binge and purge. I was very thin.

As an adult, I went the opposite direction...I would just eat, and eat, and eat. I think I was trying to stuff all the pain down. My first husband would say things like "I'm embarrassed to be seen in public with a fatty like you." Or "I'm too good looking to be married to you." Those words would devastate me, and I would comfort myself with food. And then I would feel shame, because all that food was just making me fatter and fatter. And so to comfort myself, I would eat more. It was a terrible cycle that I couldn't stop. I would have times when I would "go on a diet" and I would lose some weight. But then my first husband would say something mean about my weight or looks, and I would be back to my old habits, and the weight would come right back on.




Even after my first husband died, I could still hear his cruel words. I felt in my heart that he was right. I was just a fatty, and I didn't deserve love. But then, two years later, I met D. He was handsome, in shape...and ten years younger than me! He was so funny and had such a zest for life. We became friends, and I developed a huge crush on him. I tried to hide it though...I thought "He would just laugh if he knew a fat old woman had feelings for him." Isn't that sad? I was only 35 years old but I thought I was an old woman! I had given up on myself.



Eventually, we ended up as more than friends. He never mentioned my weight, but I often wondered if he was embarrassed by me because I was so much bigger than him. Then in 2005, when I was 44, we were on vacation in Florida. We decided to spend the day in Saint Augustine, walking through the city. It was so HOT that day, in the high 90's. I weighed 260 lbs, and the heat got to me. I tried to keep going, but the heat was too intense, and before long I was panting, sweating and having to sit down every few minutes because I thought I was going to faint. Finally, hubby told me to wait right where I was, and he went and got the car and came back to pick me up. I was so embarrassed and ashamed! I kept expecting him to start insulting me, as my first husband would have. But when he finally spoke, he said "I love you....but you are killing yourself. You have to lose the weight, because I can't live without you."

No one had ever said anything so loving to me before! But it was just what I needed. I ended up joining Curves and watching what I ate. I became a vegetarian. I ultimately lost 86 lbs. But then, some bad things happened in our lives, and I became depressed. I gained the weight back....and more. Hubby never said anything mean to me about it, but he did express his concern. But I was too depressed to care. I could see how sad and worried he was about my weight, but by the time I DID start to care, I was just too overwhelmed to even think about losing it again. I'd gained so much! My previous highest weight had been 260, but now I was up to 286. It just seemed like an impossible amount to lose.

But finally, last March, I decided to get started. Instead of thinking about the huge number of pounds I would have to lose, I decided to focus on my health, and on non-scale victories. I got my starting weigh in, and after that I just starting doing my best every day to get healthy. I quit Curves, and started to workout out at home instead. And my hubby was there for me every step of the way. If I wasn't feeling motivated to workout, he would workout with me. If I didn't want to fix myself something healthy to eat, he would fix it for me. He would compliment my every little effort, and he made it a point to notice every bit of progress I made. And I finally realized that I needed to really love myself. It doesn't matter what my parents said, or what those bullies in school said, or what my first husband said. Their opinions didn't have to be my reality anymore!




With my hubby's encouragement, help and support, I kept working out and eating right. I have made so much progress since March, and he has been there to cheer me on every single day. And he has always loved me, no matter what the scale said.

So back to my Thursday blog, the one about our argument and him calling me fat. We have talked it out, and everything is fine between us. He has promised to never call me that word again...and I had to make a promise too. I'm not Miss Innocent in this. I said some pretty rotten things to him too, and I have promised not to say those things again. Of course, either of us might slip up in the heat of the moment, but we both love each other enough to TRY our hardest not to let it happen.

The best F word is Forgiveness.

Dedicated to the best hubby ever!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=
NcbAibPA2yY


(This is "our song.")
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUPERSYLPH 7/17/2013 2:38PM

    I agree. Forgiveness is the best "F" word! I'm glad that you both are doing fine after the horrible things said. It's great to be able to move on!

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VBA2009 6/26/2013 1:20PM

    emoticon

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WHITEANGEL4 2/11/2013 11:35PM

    Enjoyed your blog I have a wonderful supporting Hubby and it has made such a great difference in my life

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AJINMN 2/11/2013 8:45AM

    What a great blog. My hubby loves me the way I am, I just want to be healthier, both of us to be healthier, so we can have a long life together.

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LKWQUILTER 2/2/2013 6:27AM

    You won the hubby lottery. WTG on the weight loss.

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DEEEBEE 2/1/2013 11:20PM

    Your blog was wonderful to read. Thank you!

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MYRNA929 1/31/2013 2:54PM

    Wow!!! That was wonderful Thanks for sharing

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HYATTI1 1/28/2013 1:28AM

    Good for you.

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JRM54100 1/27/2013 11:12PM

    emoticon

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ELIZABETH5268 1/25/2013 5:43PM

    That sounds ike a very healthy relationship:)

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EFFRAYECHILDE 1/25/2013 12:09PM

    emoticon

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EBURGITE 1/19/2013 7:34AM

    emoticon

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MAIDAMONTREAL 1/18/2013 3:06PM

    I am so glad that you have found someone who cares for you and loves you and does all he can to help you be the best you can be. Sorry you had to go through so much pain in order to get there but glad you have found your place in society. Keep up the great work and you will get there.

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CM_GARDNER78 1/18/2013 1:11AM

    emoticon Aww! I'm so glad that it is not the 'norm' for you - that has been put WAY behind you - and you found someone who loves and respects you!!! :-) That is awesome!! I know what you're saying - my DH and I can say some MEAN stuff when we're mad too....... :-( It's amazing how deeply we can hurt those we love the most! :-( I'm glad you guys worked it out!!! :-)
(((HUGS)))

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CRAZYGYMGIRL 1/18/2013 12:25AM

    You are lucky... I know you know it... bet you wouldn't have believed it 10 years ago. Funny how sometimes we are our own worst enemies. By focusing on the good, the good became you. Inspirational once again.

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FLY0NTHEWAL1 1/17/2013 8:25PM

    This is such a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it here.

You're very lucky to have someone so wonderful, and I bet that you are quite wonderful for him too. Congratulations on finding a real gentleman.

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HAPPLYEVERAFTER 1/17/2013 2:56PM

    Love and forgiveness, can't have one without the other.

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BRANDIM_81 1/17/2013 1:06PM

    You have truly been blessed with a wonderful and caring husband. Good luck on your health and happiness journey. Together you can accomplish anything!

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LEIAWINS 1/17/2013 8:47AM

    thank you so much for sharing. Your husband sounds like a really great guy. Three cheers for him!!!
And three cheers for you, for all those changes in your live and for forgiving him!!!!! That is so encouraging!!

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LEANIE64 1/16/2013 8:46PM

    What a heart felt blog..Thanks so much for sharing and admitting your short comings..We all have them..but it is refreshing to read a person admitting and asking forgiveness...Thankyou for the motivation and the reality of life..and how to deal with it..Sometimes we forget what it means to say.., "I'm Sorry !!!

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ZMADAME 1/16/2013 7:39PM

    Thank you for sharing. emoticon You have a wonderful attitude and a great husband.

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RNETMOM 1/16/2013 7:24PM

  Sounds like you have a great relationship. Good luck to you

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ANDI_3K 1/16/2013 6:34PM

    I have tears in my eyes, and I just want to hug you. You are amazing and I am glad you are here.

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JUMPINJULIE 1/16/2013 5:44PM

    Love it. Forgiveness is the best F word.

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MRSMILLER777 1/16/2013 4:15PM

    emoticon Forgiveness is the most important in any relationship that you value, including the one you have with yourself! Keep up the great work, one day at a time!

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DUSTYPRAIRIE 1/16/2013 3:46PM

    A wise man. Sounds like a match made in Heaven!

You motivate and inspire so many.

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BMCKEOW1 1/16/2013 12:46PM

    I think sometimes people say things in the heat of the moment they wish they could take back. It's not an excuse but if your both on the same page about it then that's all that matters. It sounds like you two really love each other.

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ALEXESQ33 1/16/2013 10:35AM

    Agree with the group generally, sometimes, people say things because they're mad or hurt and they want to just hurt back without thinking of the consequences. I know I've been guilty of this! Good for you for talking it out and not letting it derail you! emoticon

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DEEGIRL50 1/16/2013 7:56AM

    Sounds like you found your soul-mate. I'm glad you're discovering just how beautiful and lovable you really are!
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SONGBIRDPAULA 1/16/2013 7:15AM

    emoticon emoticon My oh my! emoticon

I really love the "inspiration" prose inserts that you have on this post! They are beautiful! emoticon for sharing!

Paula emoticon

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MAGGIE101857 1/16/2013 6:26AM

    I think FARIS71 said it best! As humans, we are sometimes not the nicest to the ones we love the most. The wonderful part is that you were able to talk to each other and openly express your feelings of hurt and disappointment, forgive, and then move on with life. Life is hard, and our journeys to get healthy and stay there is hard not only for us, but for the ones we love. I have to bite my tongue when my DH continues to gorge himself on high sugar, high fat foods and alcohol, even though he is on diabetic medicine. He knows it's bad for him, the doctor has told him many times, but nagging him isn't going to help. I continue to bring home the healthy, work out and try and change myself; maybe one day it will help him; I PRAY A LOT!!! emoticon

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LIFETIMER54 1/16/2013 4:44AM

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FUSCHIA6 1/16/2013 12:04AM

    Oh sure, make me cry when I should be doing homework. Congratulations on all of your success & personal growth. It is invaluable.
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REENIE131 1/15/2013 9:39PM

    Beautiful!

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NKOUAMI26 1/15/2013 7:49PM

    emoticon

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DOROTHYAKERMAN 1/15/2013 7:40PM

    emoticon

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FAT2GAINHEALTH 1/15/2013 7:24PM

    sometimes people say things in a heated moment that they forget to stop and think before they speak. Forgivesness is a gift to give those we love. Praise God for Grace and forgiveness. emoticon

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FITMARTI 1/15/2013 6:07PM

    emoticon

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BEAUTY_WITHIN 1/15/2013 5:39PM

    So glad you guys worked things out! :) Keep it up!

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WILSON1926 1/15/2013 4:53PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FARFROMASAINT 1/15/2013 2:42PM

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LENNOND 1/15/2013 2:14PM

    Thanks so much for sharing your life and experiences. So glad to hear that you and hubby made up. I love the statement you made about not letting other people's opinion be your reality. It really hit home.
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MYRTLE811 1/15/2013 1:07PM

  When you both decide that words hurt one another and make a concerted attempt to stop you are really moving forward. Glad you both could talk about it; so much better than swallowing it down deep inside and eating more. You have found a road to success this way.

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SUECHRIS50 1/15/2013 12:42PM

    I have to say loving yourself is the greatest love of all!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IMAGINE46 1/15/2013 9:17AM

  Excellent blog. Thank you for sharing! emoticon

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BECCAZEN7 1/15/2013 6:36AM

    Emotional pain can be just as damaging as physical. Thanks for this honest peek into your everyday life and for being a real person with real struggles. Marriage isn't easy and neither is weightloss or overcoming self-sabbotage but you have an entire team here rooting for you in your darkest hour. We are your cheerleaders, your supporters, your forgivers (when you mess up), and most importantly your friends.
I am being emotional right now, but really, good job and keep it up and I really loved the Bubble Bath idea....

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TORTISE110 1/15/2013 6:33AM

    Relationships are a lot like losing weight...ups and downs, forgiveness, determination. You got it going, girl! Thanks for the post.

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TREYONE 1/15/2013 6:20AM

  Well said!! It can be so easy to say things in the heat of the moment when arguments arise with loved ones. Part of the problem is knowing someone so well, you also know what buttons to push - doesn't make either side right, just human. Kudos for recognizing that you both share responsibility for what was said, talking through your argument and most importantly, remembering forgiveness It sounds like you have a very caring and supportive husband who wants you t emoticon o work towards your goals for the "selfish" reason of not wanting to loose you - what an amazing gift!,



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LIFETIMER54 1/15/2013 5:57AM

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WALKINGGIRL6 1/15/2013 4:48AM

    Forgiveness is the greatest gift we can give someone and ourselves. After 39 years of marriage there is more good than bad. Unfortunately we all sometimes say things we regret later and the quicker we forgive the better. You both did that

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