Saturday, January 12, 2013
I know there are many people out there that are like me. "The Emotional Eater" I am sure that a scientist somewhere out there scoffs at this but I can easily attest to you that we exist. While I do think it is a mindset, it doesn't help knowing that. Wait, that is a lie that I keep telling myself. The truth is that many people can shut that inner voice off that says, "Go ahead and eat that cheeseburger. You did good yesterday. You're stressed today and need the grease and comfort food to know you are ..." I am WHAT? Yet we hear it on a daily basis. Well, at least I do.
I am one of those "weird" eaters that it doesn't matter if I am stressed. I can be HAPPY and eat things I shouldn't eat. Heck, I've been known to plan my days around food. I think I've always had issues with food, to be completely honest. I was always chubby growing up. I can't recall being "normal sized" compared to other kids in my class. I remember almost two years ago, when I hit my lowest weight and was wearing a size 8 jean, thinking "Wow, I didn't even wear a size 8 in middle school".
There was a point in my life - I think I was around 15- when my Dad was training for some type of rank advancement in the military, I was apparently overweight then because my step mother made me run miles with him while she drove in the car next to us berating me. Oh the wonderful things she would yell at me from the car window. I'd actually tried to forget that moment but I guess things like that make the person that you become later in life.
That same woman saw me almost two years ago for the first time in many, many years. I remember seeing her whisper to the person standing next to her and they said, "Uh, that is Paula." She looked stunned. It felt good.
I know that when I was elected band queen my senior year in high school, I was overweight. We went shopping for clothes to wear in the parade and my "court" went to the regular clothes section while I struggled to find something that would fit.
I am proud of myself this morning though. I can reflect on those sad moments and try to better myself today.
My goal for the next 178 days is to reflect on my feelings before I pick up mindless food. I want to be able to actually be HUNGRY before eating and not just eat to fill a soul that feels lonely, happy, stressed or bored. Yesterday was a bad day at work. Unfortunately my job is to fire people when needed and I had to let some associates go. That always stresses me out. I came home and was overwhelmed with emotions so I actually cleaned house, grabbed a book and ended up falling asleep early. Which is the reason why I am up at 4 am, wandering around the house and deciding to blog instead of looking for food. *laughing*
Today I plan on doing some more house cleaning, pushing aside the stressful feelings that I have and try to get an hour of walking in on the treadmill. The weather is nice today in East TN althogh they're predicting possible rain showers.
Let's make it a great day!