Saturday, January 12, 2013
When I stepped on my scale, I don't have a digital, I saw 160 peeking around the corner. I could see myself there already. I think one of the best things for me is looking forward, no matter how delusional I sound. I already see myself hitting 179, the only question is when. I bought 2 pairs of size 14 curvy pants and they are too loose. Due to my thunder thighs, I have to buy curvy pants, so I wonder if I buy a size 12, if I am really a size 12 or if it's considered 12W... it doesn't matter as long as the pants fit I guess.
I feel really positive, but I am already worried about what happens next. What happens when I reach my goal guys? I have come a long way from 240, and I am currently rounding 2nd base. I won't be able to blame my weight for things once I lose it and that worries me. Will I have to be who I've always wanted to be, or will that idea change. Will I have to be a go getter or can I still laze around on weekends and take naps. Will I have to wear fashionable clothes or can I still wear my comfy sneaks on my commute. Do I have to be a biatch at work, or can I be unassuming and polite to my patients and staff (I got the greatest compliment today btw, it was awesome).
I was having a discussion on whether it is better to exercise and initiate weight loss program first, or if you should get your mind right first. I was on the side of getting your sneaks and running out the door. I now get what the other person was saying. I am not doing this to get healthy. I am overweight, but I haven't had any health scares, etc. This is purely for aesthetic and social reasons, which I believe is enough to get you out the door, but how do you stay there? I've gotten to 160 in 2006 before I dropped the ball, got depressed and gained it all back and then some. I know that I am in a better place mentally for sure, I have a job that I like, a good support system, friends and a therapist. BUT I don't want to repeat history. Depression is a serious issue, and sometimes you don't even realize you are there until it's too late
I'm going back to bed now. My plan is to wake up whenever, go for a walk/jog- I"m in week 2 of couch to 5K- plan my budget and go on my last "shopping spree" at target before I start this spending fast. Thanks for reading have a good day