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I want to feel pretty again...

Friday, January 11, 2013

I remember when I FELT pretty. When I FELT healthy and when I FELT lighter on my feet. I still had my occasional pain from the medical things I have gone through and sometimes still go through, but I FELT like I was at least better looking. I feel like the one simple thing in life that I had was the fact that I could wear clothes that were a lot cuter than the bigger baggier clothes that I am forced to wear now. I miss being able to jump up and run around with my kiddos. I miss feeling sexy and cute and I miss feeling like I had control of something in my life. Now instead of being the health nut that everyone runs to for advice...I am the girl who hides in her home on Friday night...too ashamed to go out in public. Life got really bad in May of 2011...and although it began improving starting in November of 2011...I havent been able to rebound. What I did in those 6 months time to my body...when I ate whatever I wanted, when I stopped exercising...when I literally began a slow suicide of fatty ingestion...I through away my self esteem. I look at those dates and think...my god...I have had so much time since then. I could have made it right. But I havent been able to. I was a size 2 before that. Now...I'm about a size 10-11. I hate what I look like now. I am very sad. :(
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    Look up. There is a Dad who loves you and who cares that you're sad. He will take your sadness away. He is our strong tower. Our strength and help in our time of need. I encourage you to call on Him because He loves you very much. emoticon
    1772 days ago
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