Friday, January 11, 2013
Today I listened to another part of Geneen Roth's audiobook in which she talked about how emotional eaters binge because they feel if they can't have what they really want, they will eat what they want.
This made sense to me. There are so many areas of my life right now that are completely not going my way. I really can't have what I want right now at all.
She mentions that we deserve to feel well, not overeat.
She asks what non food related things I want for my life. Well, when I think about that question, I know it's not cashews! That is for sure.
I want my husband to be well and live to see our daughter graduate HS, go to college, get married, and all of those reasonable things we assume our mates will be able to do when we get married.
I want to have enough money to feel safe taking days off from work to care for him when he's sick from chemo or when he needs to go to really invasive procedures. I want to not worry about my job or paying rent.
I want some time to rest and just be still and quiet.
I want someone to come here and wave a magic wand and make life simple.
So...my wants are really not possible...
But, according to Geneen Roth I need to allow that longing in order to let go of using food to feel like I'm getting what I want. The longing needs to be honored.
I think I get that...
She says, very astutely, that turning to food when I'm not hungry is a sign that I'm wanting something else. In that moment, I'm supposed to ask, "What am I longing for?"
I had a small realization tonight. I binged on nuts after a very stressful day at work. And when I got home, I remembered that my mom, my aunt, and my best friend all suggested that I make a big bowl of popcorn every night to quell my urge to binge. I've been resisting this suggestion for 2 months now, because I keep telling myself "I'll NEVER binge again". Everyday I tell myself I'll get over this and won't do it. But then I do it again and again and again. So if I just accept the fact that I'm going to want to do this, and have popcorn instead, it will be so much better.
I'm still going to honor my non-food longing, but I'm also going to accept where I am right now, instead of fighting against it every day. And eating popcorn will do far less damage.