To Do...To Be

Friday, January 11, 2013

I just struggle to see anything changing and don't know how to, what is the motivation? I am scared if I do I will get tired and worn out again. I have become the one thing that I never wanted to become - lazy. But ultimately coming down to the fact that everything made me believe that life is tough and I don't matter. I know this is not a depression been there but this is apathy. I am so inspired by the people on this website, and wish that i could be like just one of you, but then i get scared, scared of failing, scared sounds daft but of success that i will be noticed again. Scared of getting tired ( as I am also approaching my finals!) scared of failing them. Just easier I guess to exist than live to keep the status quo to get through my other trials. I feel just a like a shell, and I am trying to wake up but struggling, i want something or someone to flick the on switch ( i remember the exact moment i decided and dedicated to loosing weight last time and it worked) in the medical world we call this the contemplation for change phase, well i can tell you that is a frustrating stage to be in! and would love to get to the next. But more worrying is not going back once in that stage. I have done it recently and maybe manage one even two weeks then things go back to how they were whats the point?
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    Being in school is should look at my blogs from the last few years...a lot of depressing ones, lol!

    I find myself that the pressure of being amazing like so many on here gets to me - why aren't I running marathons, doing Zumba, losing the weight consistently? Instead, I give up and let the lazy person in me take over. Structured exercise doesn't work as well for me - I have to be in the mood and if I plan it ahead of time, I psych myself out and don't do it. I love my fitbit - I have a few family member sand friends that also have a fitbit and we're competing with each other, especially who walks the most! I've had a week of consistent exercise, over 10,000 steps daily...and it feels very natural! I know I need to eventually run, lift weights, walk more, etc...but for now, it's a great way to exercise without feeling that pressure. Also, I measure steps rather than calories so it takes the stress off of feeling like I have to burn X amount. I eat my 1200 a day and walk over 10,000 worries about calories burned at this point.
    1771 days ago
    When I was younger I think I also had that fear of being noticed. I would lose weight, start looking good, start getting attention for it, and kind of freak out a bit ... then gain back the weight. If only I could do it over again .... I would have worked on that response. I fought the weight my whole life, and now I think I am finally in the state of mind to get rid of all of it for good. Now, though, it's for health reasons. I hope you find the motivation to work on it while you are young. I would suggest that you don't try to do too much at first. If you can change some of your habits, you will start feeling stronger and healthier. That apathy will become excitement at the way you feel. When you are working on losing weight for reasons such as feeling better, being healthy, or having more energy I think it makes the struggle easier. It does get easier. Good luck.
    1771 days ago
  • CMV12V
    I understand, I have been there as well, not living just existing to get through one day at a time. I know it is easier said than done but you just have to start, eat healthy 1 day do a 10 minute workout as you start slow it helps you feel better and gives you the strength to keep going and doing more. You can't fail, you might have set backs but that is not failure because you keep going and learn from those setbacks. I remember the day as well when I decided it was time to loose weight, I don't remember when I lost that drive, and it was harder to get back the same dedication to weight Loss, but it can be done. Good Luck.
    1771 days ago
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