Friday, January 11, 2013
I just got done watching an episode of The Office where employee Pam gets lice from her daughter at home and then accidentally gives it to most of her coworkers the following day. I laughed out loud on a few parts, especially when the one dude accidentally sets off the bug bomb in his own enclosed office space and begins to hallucinate.
I needed to laugh. Depression has really been getting to me. I have, amazingly, stuck with my workouts this week, but eating habits have been near the atrocious zone. Code Level Orange.
The ovarian cysts and fibroids. The overwhelming schedule with my three young children. The body that's resisting weight loss. The house that sometimes feels like a prison. It's all got me evaluating my life. Something needs to change and I'm on the path to discovery with that. What exactly should I be shifting around to make this the life I want? Or is there something underlying that hasn't yet been found by my doctors that could possibly be contributing to this hell?
My husband says he's adjusting, adapting and overcoming. That's what I aim for daily. Lately, however, I'm battle bruised and ready to lay down my sword & shield. Just give up. Sometimes getting out of bed feels like torture. I'm just not up for the fight of never-ending responsibility, chores, people who need me to do do do.... I'm so effing tired. And yet I'm a fighter.
After an unexpected trip to the doctor today due to abnormal bleeding, and another round of blood work and urine sample, I feel like maybe I've hit rock bottom and we might just find an answer for me. The Dr. says he thinks I may have an autoimmune thyroid problem, which would explain why my TSH numbers are always normal but I have ALL the symptoms of a thyroid problem: fatigue, sluggishness, depression, cannot lose weight, abnormal bleeding and menstrual cycles, and I have nodules & cysts on my thyroid gland.
Here's praying, LORD, that I might finally get an answer. Because I've been doing all I know how, and yet the struggle continues.
In the meantime, Laughter seems like the best medicine.
"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." PROVERBS 17:22