Well, it seems lil 'ole me has been nommed as Sparkpeople's Motivator of the Day today. Uhm... *cough* ...okay. Thanks?!
For those new to this page, I wanted to give you a quick run-down on why I find this completely humerous, and yet somewhat special. For the real intro on me, I'm sure most of the stuff on my main page's info box is still pretty relevant.
I started Sparkpeople in April 2010 and had a fair bit of a good run there for a while. I dropped 80 pounds pretty quickly and caught the Spark and all that jazz and was doing quite well for myself. And then slowly but surely, everything started to unravel.
Not for lack of trying on my part.
Not because I was slipping or went off plan.
I was fighting harder than ever and still going backwards.
I went from running my first 5-miler in December 2011 to not being able to run hardly anything and, actually, barely walking throughout most of 2012. Nothing I did seemed to matter. I got stricter with my diet because I felt my exercise was suffering because of my mobility issues. I tried everything. I went up in calories, down in calories, I calorie cycled. There were only a few of my honest-to-goodness-goes-agains
t-everything-I-believe-in things I would NOT try. I took advice from about 50 different people. Sometimes together, sometimes separately. And still, the pain in my foot got worse.
I moved to the bike and the pool.
I lifted. I lifted heavy. I could deadlift and barbell squat with the big boys.
And still, it got worse.
I went to light, wimpy exercises.
I got frustrated because I wasn't even raising my HR enough.
And still, it got worse.
So now I'm with my second PT and podiatrist, who basically said that my bone structure in my foot is rubbish and this may have happened at any point, no matter the size of my body or level of activity. He even told me to expect arthritis at some point down the road, but told me that exercise and flexibility stretches might keep that at bay for a while.
So my long list of injuries throughout 2011 and 2012 began to grow:
a slipped disc in my back
chronic back pain
a tilted (or as I say, "wonky") pelvis
severe osteoarthritis in at least one (but probably both) knee joints
and now the plantar fasciitis in my foot, which caused a bone spur in my ankle
Good days are days when I'm not limping.
From October through the end of 2012, I was in one of the deepest fits of depression I've had in a very long time. Here, I had done all this work, and yet...I was no closer to my goal. I felt like nothing I did even mattered and felt completely cliche because, perhaps, I WAS meant to be fat all my life.
But, finally, by the end of December 2012, I finally slowly emerged from this very dark place.
(Hubs and I discussed my depression last night and he said he was actually worried about me for only about the second time in the entire time we've known each other...)
So on January 1st of this year, I gave myself a fresh start.
The past is the past and there is nothing I can do to change it.
I'm moving on and doing what I think will work for my body and what I like to do.
I'm doing things for me and trying to build my self-confidence to heights never seen before.
This year it isn't about the numbers on the scale, but the lightness of my soul.
So on January 1, 2013, I started my second attempt at Whole30.
Basically, it's a very strict diet plan and, yes, it cuts out entire food groups.
I would normally say this is a rubbish fad diet and no one should do it...except I'm not doing it to diet. I'm doing it to detox my body and give it a fighting chance at finally healing.
What's more, I'm vlogging the entire process over on YouTube:
Today, being the 11th of January, is my 11th day on Whole30 and a lot has changed in just 10 short days. I feel better about myself. My foot feels better. I can tell I've lost a lot of winter bloat already. My skin looks better. My stomach feels better. And I just feel more like a winner than I have in a long time...like since 2010 when I was still losing. Now fighting the problems facing me in this world don't seem like such a daunting task...and I even put myself out there more by making my own beauty channel on YouTube:
I put pages on Facebook, started a Twitter page and Instagram...trying to brand myself. And to date it doesn't bother me that the only people following me are my friends (most from Spark! LOVE you guys!!) and my family. (In the past it would have been enough to break my heart...but this time I'm doing it for me.)
In addition, I started taking portrait photographs and have had requests to do even more. So the branding will happen there again.
So it's funny to me that today of all days I would be put up as MOTD. Because of where I've been the past few months...and because of where I am today. Today I feel like I'm putting out the best me into the world...so I invite you all to join me. I don't promise sunshine and roses out my butt all the time (just check some previous blogs!) but I do promise honesty, sincerity, and, somehow, an utter unwillingness to give up on myself even though every sign points to the EJECT button.
I'm here. I'm awesome. Get used to it.
If you have questions on ANYTHING, feel free to ask...I'll do my best to answer either here or on YouTube in my vlog! ;)
Also, my other blog, which often has different posts and followed me through the tough times a little more, is over here:
Have a happy, healthy day! I'ma go eat some Whole30 approved soup! NOM!