Struggling with the T word
Friday, January 11, 2013
Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.
Believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of.
noun. confidence - faith - credit - reliance - belief
verb. believe - confide - rely - credit - hope - entrust
During my second personal training session today, it became very clear to me that my trust issues were still very potent and close to the surface rather than lying dormant and ineffectual in some murky crevice as I had previously believed. While the trainer pushed me past my comfort zone, I found myself hesitating and envisioning a smashed nose, or concussed head after stumbling off a bench or being catapulted from a stability ball. I questioned her more than once and hesitated at her request to hold myself suspended with legs parallel to the floor. She kept nudging gently and patiently calmed my nerves when I asked if the TRX bands would hold my weight or if she had me positioned too far forward on the ball.
As a rigorous 30 minute session was coming to a close, I confessed out loud to her that I guess I have some issues with trust. She smiled and again assured me that all of the exercises were designed specifically to avoid injuring the areas I'm concerned about. Somehow, I need to let go and trust that she is there to guide me and will do everything in her power to avoid an injury. To the contrary, it is in her best interest to teach me slowly and retain me as a customer.
While I make every effort to avoid giving power to the ghosts of the past, it is impossible to altogether erase those situations which have shaped us along the way. It is important to continue to be gentle with ourselves and keep moving forward inch by inch. I consider today a victory, since it gave me the opportunity to identify an obstacle and consciously seek a solution. At the very least, I have resolved to follow the trainer's lead completely and simply observe the results.